Karma Cleanse

[JL21]

I saw this done over at Rock M Nation the other day and it's seemingly the only solution out there for the horrible malaise surrounding the Cardinals right now.

Appease the baseball Gods by confessing something embarrassing about yourself. I'll start.

When I was 12, my family was at Spring Training in Tampa. We drove by some bar that was having a wet t-shirt contest. My dumb naive ass had never heard of such a wonderful thing and I was too naive to even guess what it was all about. So I blurted out, "Dad, how do you judge a wet t-shirt contest? Do they have to take off the shirts and see who can squeeze out the most water?"

The ensuing silence in the car was like a putrid fart hanging in the air.

Zeus, your nickel is in the mail.

[InvincibleCakeEater]

Part of me still believes the Cardinals will win the division by 4 games.

[cardinalsx]

If I'm on a long car trip by myself, sometimes I'll pee in a cup to keep from stopping.

[go birds]

If I'm on a long car trip by myself, sometimes I'll pee in a cup to keep from stopping.

How's that embarassing? That's what real men do.

I've even done the drive 'n jack on a few occasions.

[Cronos]

I've even done the drive 'n jack on a few occasions.

How's that embarassing? That's what real men do.

[GeddyWrox]

When I was in 4th grade, they were giving us some sort of standardized test thingy. I think it was the CTBS. Anyway, all of a sudden, my intestines were really upset, and I rushed to finish the test, but the teacher wouldn't excuse me from my desk. So I sat there, clenching my butt cheeks together, praying I could hold it. Alas, time was not on my side that day, and right there in the classroom, the entire contents of my bowels came rushing out. I ran very awkwardly to the bathroom to try to clean up as best I could. I left a trail of sh!t on the carpet in the hall, and once in the stall, as I pulled off my pants, sh!t smeared everywhere. Floor, walls, toilet. I tried to mop up the mess in my pants and in the stall, but I ran out of toilet paper. So I moved to the next stall. Pretty sure I smeared sh!t all over the floor trying to move stalls. I ran out of toilet paper in the second stall too, and really hadn't had much luck cleaning up anything. I put my pants back on and sneaked to the nurse's office. Then the PRINCIPAL drove me home. In the car, he asked me "Why both stalls???" Cause I ran out of toilet paper. Duh!

Worst day of my life. Ugh.

[lukethedrifter]

I'm going to shave my ballz to honor this team. And my ass.

[ghostrunner]

I'm going to shave my ballz to honor this team. And my ass.

To restore honor, I think you mean.

[lukethedrifter]

I'm going to shave my ballz to honor this team. And my ass.

To Restore Honor, I think you mean.

Right. Thanks. Yay Hope. And Faith.

[EastonBlues22]

I'm going to shave my ballz to honor this team. And my ass.

I tried that a few weeks back.

Didn't work.