Rant: Fantasy Baseball Playoffs
Posted: September 24 12, 9:20 am
Where do I begin...
Summary: Who the [expletive] decided that September is a great time of year to determine who is going to be crowned champion of your fantasy league? Managers and rosters become insane. Teams clinch, guys get rested, somewhat injured guys on non-contenders sometimes play and sometimes don't, usage of relievers becomes crazy when there are 18 man bullpens.
I lost my H2H matchup this past week. The 4th year in a row I have had a quality team get ousted in the semi-finals. Why this time? Because I fell 1 save short (and 1 loss too many). 1 [expletive] save. "Popeye, why is this rant-worthy?" Because I have 8 [expletive] REGULAR CLOSERS ON MY ROSTER*! While my opponent had 2 regular closers, 1 fill-in, and 1 late drop-in.
Let's review my guys week, in approximate order of rage I have against them or their manager.
Wilton Lopez: I admit, he's not going to give me many saves, because the Astros are awful. He gave me 1. I will accept that.
Glen Perkins: You are my hero. You gave me 3 saves.
Huston Street / Luke Gregerson: You guys gave me 1 save between you. Thank you Padre organization for being vague as to when Street was going to return, making me have to continue to roster and start Gregerson in the meantime.
Greg Holland: You did just fine. You gave me 2 saves. But of course your manager decided to not use you to close on Saturday night, when that additional save could have REALLY [expletive] HELPED ME.
Tyler Clippard: You have sucked lately to the point of barely being rosterable. Thanks for your 1 save, but also thanks for your 2 [expletive] LOSSES, because had I lost one less game, I also would have won this week. So thank you. And thank you Davey Johnson for being vague about who you are going to use as a closer from this point on, so I can know if I can drop this sack of [expletive].
Kenley Jansen: Oh boy--Don Mattingly, you are on my [expletive] list. Last night. Opportunity to get that final save to propel me to victory. And you use your lights-out closer for most of the season in the 7th [expletive] inning?
Aroldis Chapman: Thank you for your season. But [expletive] you for deciding to get dead arm at the worst possible time.
Andrew Bailey: Hell has a special place for you. You have been the bane of my fantasy existence all year. I stash you on my DL, you take forever to come back. You finally come back, and you suck to the point of me releasing you. I pick you back up after a strong stretch, and then Thursday happens (0.1 IP, 5 runs, 4 hits, 1 walk, 135.00 ERA, 15.00 WHIP, 0.00 K:BB ratio). Not only did you not get me a save, you gave me a loss, and you [expletive] up all of my rate stats in one fell swoop. Then, to add injury to insult, after I drop your ass for the last time, my opponent picks you up--then after loading the bases, you FINALLY [expletive] COME THROUGH, giving him both the deciding save AND avoiding the deciding loss. I hate you, Andrew Bailey.
As for my opponent? Jason Motte. 5 [expletive] saves by himself this week. If I saw Mike Matheny right now, I'd kick him squarely in the nuts, then give him a hunting knife to open as a gift. Oh yeah, and Jonathon Broxton--the guy that got to vulture Chapman's saves while he's been fiddle-[expletive] around with bullpen sessions.
I hate fantasy baseball right now. So full of rage at a silly game.
* My league starts 2 SP's, 2 RP's, and 4 P's each day. Our H2H categories for pitching are W, L, SV, K, ERA, WHIP, K:BB with a relatively low IP requirement each week. After all of my SP's went to [expletive] or were injured, I decided to deploy an all RP strategy--basically plan on losing W and K each week, but dominating the rate stats and saves while avoiding losses. Worked like a charm all season. Until September, where it has been killing me.
Summary: Who the [expletive] decided that September is a great time of year to determine who is going to be crowned champion of your fantasy league? Managers and rosters become insane. Teams clinch, guys get rested, somewhat injured guys on non-contenders sometimes play and sometimes don't, usage of relievers becomes crazy when there are 18 man bullpens.
I lost my H2H matchup this past week. The 4th year in a row I have had a quality team get ousted in the semi-finals. Why this time? Because I fell 1 save short (and 1 loss too many). 1 [expletive] save. "Popeye, why is this rant-worthy?" Because I have 8 [expletive] REGULAR CLOSERS ON MY ROSTER*! While my opponent had 2 regular closers, 1 fill-in, and 1 late drop-in.
Let's review my guys week, in approximate order of rage I have against them or their manager.
Wilton Lopez: I admit, he's not going to give me many saves, because the Astros are awful. He gave me 1. I will accept that.
Glen Perkins: You are my hero. You gave me 3 saves.
Huston Street / Luke Gregerson: You guys gave me 1 save between you. Thank you Padre organization for being vague as to when Street was going to return, making me have to continue to roster and start Gregerson in the meantime.
Greg Holland: You did just fine. You gave me 2 saves. But of course your manager decided to not use you to close on Saturday night, when that additional save could have REALLY [expletive] HELPED ME.
Tyler Clippard: You have sucked lately to the point of barely being rosterable. Thanks for your 1 save, but also thanks for your 2 [expletive] LOSSES, because had I lost one less game, I also would have won this week. So thank you. And thank you Davey Johnson for being vague about who you are going to use as a closer from this point on, so I can know if I can drop this sack of [expletive].
Kenley Jansen: Oh boy--Don Mattingly, you are on my [expletive] list. Last night. Opportunity to get that final save to propel me to victory. And you use your lights-out closer for most of the season in the 7th [expletive] inning?
Aroldis Chapman: Thank you for your season. But [expletive] you for deciding to get dead arm at the worst possible time.
Andrew Bailey: Hell has a special place for you. You have been the bane of my fantasy existence all year. I stash you on my DL, you take forever to come back. You finally come back, and you suck to the point of me releasing you. I pick you back up after a strong stretch, and then Thursday happens (0.1 IP, 5 runs, 4 hits, 1 walk, 135.00 ERA, 15.00 WHIP, 0.00 K:BB ratio). Not only did you not get me a save, you gave me a loss, and you [expletive] up all of my rate stats in one fell swoop. Then, to add injury to insult, after I drop your ass for the last time, my opponent picks you up--then after loading the bases, you FINALLY [expletive] COME THROUGH, giving him both the deciding save AND avoiding the deciding loss. I hate you, Andrew Bailey.
As for my opponent? Jason Motte. 5 [expletive] saves by himself this week. If I saw Mike Matheny right now, I'd kick him squarely in the nuts, then give him a hunting knife to open as a gift. Oh yeah, and Jonathon Broxton--the guy that got to vulture Chapman's saves while he's been fiddle-[expletive] around with bullpen sessions.
I hate fantasy baseball right now. So full of rage at a silly game.
* My league starts 2 SP's, 2 RP's, and 4 P's each day. Our H2H categories for pitching are W, L, SV, K, ERA, WHIP, K:BB with a relatively low IP requirement each week. After all of my SP's went to [expletive] or were injured, I decided to deploy an all RP strategy--basically plan on losing W and K each week, but dominating the rate stats and saves while avoiding losses. Worked like a charm all season. Until September, where it has been killing me.