Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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Socnorb11
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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Freed Roger wrote:
Socnorb11 wrote:
Freed Roger wrote:Bourdain apparently had addiction problems. Or i think. Not sure how we can go far beyond that. And yes, you can live the life doing things you want AND have good fulfilling relationships. I hope the people i have relationships can do the same. For me they are intertwined. Fun and relationships.

For me, not so much.

Even when I do the things that I really enjoy (golf, go to a baseball game, travel a little bit, etc.), it's just "meh" unless I'm doing it with someone that I really enjoy. So yeah, I guess you can have fun without relationship........ but relationship takes it to another level entirely, for me.

Bourdain had struggled with relationship, I think (unless I'm remembering wrong). Maybe that was part of the issue?
RE Bourdain: how do you judge who struggles with relationships and who doesn't. What sort of norms apply? Life is always messy.

vacation with my family in a couple weeks - like I do every year, sometimes twice in a year, not counting daytrips or weekend jaunts. that's what I mean intertwined for me. Ballgames- always with family/friends. And we talk.

I have no issue or guilt whatsoever about doing something I enjoy without the family. Sometimes virtually alone. I run all the time, mostly alone. My family generally encourages it for me - they get it. It can be enlightening, or mindful, prayerful, take your pick.

If my kid goes and does some awesome journey without me, I'll be just as happy - because a part of me is there. My niece is a nurse. I get a kick out of it, hey she's in San Francisco. Hey, there she is in Iceland. O jeesh now she's in Cuba. Now she's a traveling nurse - first gig - Tahoe/Reno. She was in town recently. Healthier and happier than ever, knows she won't do this forever - but it works.

Anyhow seems like you are typecasting people that do what they enjoy as something extreme, like Hedonists. It rarely is that way. Not everybody is the trustafarians depicted on reality tv. Most have to balance out other things. And work. And pitch in when someone in family is ill or needs help. ... maybe I don't understand your premise. Doing something you like away from your base relationships - it is still intertwined with your relationships if it makes you happy/healthier individual. if you have to do something for work,,go to a ballgame, dinner with client, travel somewhere cool - I can understand it's not as good as with family/friends - but even there - make the most of it.

I don't think we disagree, Freed.

I'm not talking about doing things without someone tagging along all the time. That's definitely NO fun. You gotta have "you" time. I'm simply talking about living your life without real relationship. That can be tough, and no amount of "doing the things you enjoy" is going to fill that void, long-term. Doing what Bourdain did (travel the world, eat exotic foods with exotic people) wouldn't be enjoyable for me, alone, especially if I knew I was going home to......... nobody. We're all different though, I guess. I think you can live a perfectly fulfilling life without all of that stuff. I don't think you can life a really fulfilling life without friends/family.

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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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then there are cloistereds, monks and anchorites.

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33anda3rd
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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I feel like you’re speculating that Bourdain had no friends and that drove him to misery and by all accounts he had a lot of people in his life who loved him.

Can we go back to celebrating his life now?

Socnorb11
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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33anda3rd wrote:I feel like you’re speculating that Bourdain had no friends and that drove him to misery and by all accounts he had a lot of people in his life who loved him.

Can we go back to celebrating his life now?
I don't know if he had friends or not.

We know he lived a life that most of us would envy, on the surface......... and we know that it wasn't enough to make him want to keep living.

What I'm saying is pretty simple, and I'm not sure why it should be offensive to you. Relationships matter more than eating cool food or having a cool job. That's really all I'm saying.

We're not that familiar with his life, outside of what we saw edited on his television shows. If you want to continue to discuss that, I'm not stopping you.

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lukethedrifter
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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https://www.facebook.com/62368746459/po ... 135436460/


Margo Price
I can’t say that I knew Anthony well, but I was lucky enough to be in his presence. When we found out we were going to be on the Nashville Episode of Part’s Unknown, my husband and I were beside ourselves. We have read his books and watched his travels for years and we were huge fans. They asked us ahead of time for some of our favorite spots in town were and where we might like to eat, even if it was out of our budget.

We named off several places we had never been, along with our favorite local dive bars, the best meat and 3’s, charming [expletive]-hole diners and favorite restaurants in town. We also offered for Anthony to come to our house to eat a home cooked meal, where we could pass the guitar around the fire, drink and play music on the porch- and maybe shoot some BB guns if they were up fo it. I bragged that my husband Jeremy had been a cook at nearly every restaurant in Nashville and is an amazing chef. We didn’t expect for them to go for the last option, but they loved the idea.

We filmed for a week in Nashville- around town and in our home. I played bartender and made spicy mezcal mules and Vieux Carré’s, while Jeremy slaved away in the kitchen, both of us more nervous than we’d ever been for a dinner party. My husband made home made biscuits from Loveless Cafe, Pimento Cheese, and a braised short rib. The crew from Part’s Unknown became like family to us that week. Tony was so genuine and magnetic, he was easy to talk to and the conversations off camera were even more eye opening than what was filmed for the show. He loved Jeremy’s pimento cheese most of all. We partied all night, we did indeed pass the guitar, burn all of our firewood and shoot empty cans with B.B. guns. Tony and the Part’s Unknown crew were all into jujitsu and they ended the evening by sparing in the front yard. They woke up the next day after just a few hours sleep and went to a martial arts class.

The next night we went to a party with The Kills at Disgraceland where Jack White, Allison Mosshart, Jack Lawrence and Dean Fertita played inside the house. We had a chance to eat Bourdain’s cooking. It was nothing short of spectacular. The party was unreal. There was an in house bartender, a bowl of joints free for the taking and a world class tattoo artist set up and giving tattoos out for just a donation. Anthony got a scorpion. He was so happy. We all were. The week ended with me playing a show at the Crying Wolf. I was nervous as hell but everyone enjoyed it and it went off without a hitch.

After that trip to Nashville, I noticed Anthony was listening to stuff like Merle Haggard and George Jones from time to time while watching his travels... I know he was a rock and roller at heart but it was so cool that he appreciated the raw stuff like Johnny Cash and Tammy Wynette and Johnny Paycheck.

I heard that he had initially wanted to come to Nashville and film an entire show that doesn’t feature country music. I get that- there is so much amazing art and music being made here that isn’t “country”. I later found out that he heard my music from the folks at Third Man and my story and changed his mind. He told me I was "a country music artist who reminds us what country music really is." He gave me life lessons and a lot of much needed self confidence in a time when my life was changing very rapidly. He told me “never to accept drinks from fans.” He said his life improved vastly when he stopped taking free drinks. I have never forgot the advice and the support he gave me back when the episode aired. He brought me so many incredible, open minded fans. He told me he wanted to be a musician. I told him he was already a rock star. I also told him I wanted his life. Everybody did. Men wanted to be him and most women wanted to be with him. He was well read, charming and fearless.

I don’t look at what he did as cowardly or selfish. Depression is isolating. I’ve dealt with it myself through out my whole life and especially after the death of my son. When it’s there, it’s like a rain cloud that hovers over your head and just won’t go away. Fame can be so isolating, and he was on a whole other level in that regard. Most people think that when you have success and money that all of your problems magically disappear. That’s not the case. Famous people still have bad days, they still deal with sadness and despair and confusion about what life is and why we are here. Anthony was always searching. He wanted to understand the human condition and he brought people together in a way that most people could never dream of. He made the most mundane, everyday task of cooking passionate and romantic and adventurous. He knew the power of music and art and the importance of embracing other cultures when most people fear it.

I hope that we can all learn to be more open about depression and mental illness. I hope that as a society we learn to recognize the symptoms. I hope that we will treat it as any other disease and not make people feel ashamed or selfish. It’s great that everyone has been sharing the 1-800 numbers to call if you feel helpless and lonely but in my experience, I’ve never wanted to call a stranger and tell them my problems. We must look out for each other and lift each other up. Hold on close to the ones that you love dearly. If you see someone you know slipping away, saying cryptic goodbyes, or giving away their most beloved possessions, reach out. Spend time with them. Talk to them and tell them you love them.

This is all just a tiny sliver of the amazing life he led. This was my experience with him and I’ll never forget it as long as I live. My heart goes out to his family and friends and the wonderful crew at Parts Unknown. He lived a bigger life than most could ever dream. Humanity is better because of him. And like Neil Young said, “it’s better to burn out than to fade away, my my, hey hey...”

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Tambourine Man
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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Guys, we need to somehow make it easier to talk about mental illness. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not, but I am Bipolar 1. Life is tough. So I spend a majority of my time depressed, like horribly depressed. Anyway, if anyone feels a need to reach out, I'm more than willing to listen. I've seen it all.

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BottenFieldofDreams
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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I think it's great that people are offering to listen here. I'd like to offer some of my experiences/tools which could be helpful.

Though I've had a couple depressive episodes in my life, I'm fortunate to not deal with it too often, and never at a suicidal level. I do suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

For whatever it's worth, the most helpful treatments for me are the ones that guide or force me to detatch from my thoughts.

Specifically, those things are (with the books I've used):

Meditation: it's hard but very valuable (10% Happier)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: it's addressing the problems with negative and worried thinking--sort of like debating your inner ahole (Feeling Good-this book reads pretty corny/self-helpy but it's got all the tools and info. There may be a better one for CBT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: this exercise has you examine yourself as two actors; the thinking one and the observing one (The Happiness Trap)

I find that actively engaging your issues, personally or with help is incredibly helpful. To be doing something is critical.

I think therapy is great. But it was hard for me to find someone I really connected with and didn't feel was weird or just like talking to a wall with. Also benefits for therapy can be tough.


I wasn't sure if I should include this paragraph, I don't want to scare people off something they need. People should do what they need to do to get better, but I regret going on meds as quickly as I did and really wish my GP would have guided me to the things above before shoving pills at me. Quitting Paxil was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Nightmarish withdrawal. Eventually I had to go back on anxiety meds, and wonder if those years on Paxil had anything to do with that. Ask about dependence/withdrawal, I guess would be my advice. But meds can be very, very helpful as well.

But if you're hurting, do something. Find someone to talk to. At least pick up a book, maybe you can hide it in a biology text book like Zach Morris' girly mags if you're embarrassed.

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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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Tambourine Man wrote:Guys, we need to somehow make it easier to talk about mental illness. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not, but I am Bipolar 1. Life is tough. So I spend a majority of my time depressed, like horribly depressed. Anyway, if anyone feels a need to reach out, I'm more than willing to listen. I've seen it all.
Tam man, sounds generic from internet stranger but thanks for sharing! One of my favorite people on earth is bipolar. Though i can not fully understand his highs and lows, I still love him and enjoy his company always.

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Tambourine Man
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Re: Anthony Bourdain dead from apparent suicide

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Freed Roger wrote:
Tambourine Man wrote:Guys, we need to somehow make it easier to talk about mental illness. I don't know if I've mentioned this or not, but I am Bipolar 1. Life is tough. So I spend a majority of my time depressed, like horribly depressed. Anyway, if anyone feels a need to reach out, I'm more than willing to listen. I've seen it all.
Tam man, sounds generic from internet stranger but thanks for sharing! One of my favorite people on earth is bipolar. Though i can not fully understand his highs and lows, I still love him and enjoy his company always.
Thanks for the kind words Freed. I really appreciate it. Had an appointment today and some med changes have been made. The tricky thing about bipolar is that too much of a good thing (antidepressants) can flip the mood to manic. And when that happens, for me at least, it means hospitalizations and encounters with the police. I completely lose touch with reality. Oh, well.
BottenFieldofDreams wrote:I do suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
FWIW, I consider anxiety to be the most debilitating aspect of bipolar disorder. Sure, there's a whole host of other symptoms I suffer from, but anxiety is just so brutal. Grocery stores set me off about every tenth trip and, I find this hilarious, a bunch of bipolar people have the same problem. LOL

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