GatewayRedbirds.com

Anyone ever been "strongly advised" to contribute to the United Way by their company?

The last one I worked for advertised it a lot, and my boss once showed me a letter to him from the company saying what percentage of his paycheck they thought he should have direct deposited to the UW. It was strongly worded to, a " you sure don't have to, but you better"

Didn't they have a guy busted for embezzlement several years back?

Actually, my company is pretty good about that. All they track are responses, which include those who check the "do not wish to contribute" box. Individual decisions are not visible to the employee's management chain.

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"I love to play this game of baseball - I love putting on this uniform."

The word "problem" is a negative word which is not to be used. "Opportunity" is the corporate speak word for " Hey, I screwed up (again) and dropped the ball, so I need you to jump through hoops to cover for me" (again).

I had customer who uses this word on a regular basis to have a flat tire on his car the other day and was late for work. It was all I could do not to ask him about the "opportunity" he had on his left front that morning.

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“It is my last night in Chicago. In four days, I did everything you can do here. I ate well, drank a lot, and earlier this afternoon I beat the Cubs 11-2.”

TV funnyman Conan O’Brien, wrapping up his stint in the Windy City.

it was an opportunity to work on his lugnut skills while cursing wildly.

Not all opportunities are rainbows and lollipops.

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My pops, as a corporate HR/Personnel guy, was the company man who strongarmed employees into contributing to United Way so they would have 100% contributions. In my job, guys laugh when they talk about charitable contributions. I bet we don't get 20%.

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Even worse than being asked to donate to United Way is being asked to contribute to political action committees. Especially when your company's general politics do not align with your personal politics.

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This speak happens everywhere. Last year I worked for a graduate program at a university and during the prep for the big visit weekend, when all the prospective students come, we were instructed that if a student asked a question to which the answer was "no," we were to respond with, "actually....." and then proceed to tell them why they couldn't get what they wanted from this program.

A prominent philosophy professor gave me these instructions.

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Horror's Not Dead.com

We're sort of hedging on semantics, but I view that as falling under good social skills more than anything else.

Nobody likes to hear "no".

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There's a lot to be said for making people laugh. Did you know that that's all some people have? It isn't much, but it's better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.
-John L. Sullivan, Sullivan's Travels (1941)

Yeah, that's not really corporate speak. It's more like marketing speak. And, of course, there's also academic speak...

Going forward, I suggest you take an action item to recast your priorities so as to ensure that your GRB deliverables meet the quality metrics set forth in our mission statement.

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Underachievers, please try harder.