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TimeForGuinness
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: May 29 08, 3:08 pm 
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Arthur Dent wrote:
Going forward, I suggest you take an action item to recast your priorities so as to ensure that your GRB deliverables meet the quality metrics set forth in our mission statement.


...all of the sudden this board is starting to stress me out a bit...
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Arthur Dent
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: May 29 08, 3:34 pm 
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TimeForGuinness wrote:
Arthur Dent wrote:
Going forward, I suggest you take an action item to recast your priorities so as to ensure that your GRB deliverables meet the quality metrics set forth in our mission statement.


...all of the sudden this board is starting to stress me out a bit...

It's critical that we leverage our core business processes to drive growth and deliver solutions that maximize value for our customers.

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G. Keenan
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: May 29 08, 3:36 pm 
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JL21 wrote:
G. Keenan wrote:
This speak happens everywhere. Last year I worked for a graduate program at a university and during the prep for the big visit weekend, when all the prospective students come, we were instructed that if a student asked a question to which the answer was "no," we were to respond with, "actually....." and then proceed to tell them why they couldn't get what they wanted from this program.

A prominent philosophy professor gave me these instructions.


We're sort of hedging on semantics, but I view that as falling under good social skills more than anything else.

Nobody likes to hear "no".


It was for questions that there was no other answer for. Like, "Am I guaranteed admittance to a PhD program if I complete this master's degree?"

"Actually, no."

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Powders your wool cardigan.
Such springtime dolor . . .

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trill
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: May 29 08, 3:39 pm 
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G. Keenan wrote:
JL21 wrote:
G. Keenan wrote:
This speak happens everywhere. Last year I worked for a graduate program at a university and during the prep for the big visit weekend, when all the prospective students come, we were instructed that if a student asked a question to which the answer was "no," we were to respond with, "actually....." and then proceed to tell them why they couldn't get what they wanted from this program.

A prominent philosophy professor gave me these instructions.


We're sort of hedging on semantics, but I view that as falling under good social skills more than anything else.

Nobody likes to hear "no".


It was for questions that there was no other answer for. Like, "Am I guaranteed admittance to a PhD program if I complete this master's degree?"

"Actually, no."

You should have worn some reflective, cool sunglasses like this guy:
Image

Then when they asked, "Am I guaranteed admittance to a PhD program if I complete this master's degree?" you respond with "IT IS WHAT IT IS, BABY. DO WORK."

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"If it was anyone but Carp, I would have said, 'No,'" Matheny said. "Anyone but Carp."
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JL21
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: May 29 08, 3:43 pm 
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G. Keenan wrote:
JL21 wrote:
G. Keenan wrote:
This speak happens everywhere. Last year I worked for a graduate program at a university and during the prep for the big visit weekend, when all the prospective students come, we were instructed that if a student asked a question to which the answer was "no," we were to respond with, "actually....." and then proceed to tell them why they couldn't get what they wanted from this program.

A prominent philosophy professor gave me these instructions.


We're sort of hedging on semantics, but I view that as falling under good social skills more than anything else.

Nobody likes to hear "no".


It was for questions that there was no other answer for. Like, "Am I guaranteed admittance to a PhD program if I complete this master's degree?"

"Actually, no."


So, you'd still say "no"?

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-John L. Sullivan, Sullivan's Travels (1941)
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G. Keenan
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: June 17 08, 5:25 pm 
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This is a great list of corporate speak.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7457287.stm

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sighyoung wrote:
Pollen from law books
Powders your wool cardigan.
Such springtime dolor . . .

Horror's Not Dead.com
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Arthur Dent
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: June 17 08, 5:54 pm 
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G. Keenan wrote:
This is a great list of corporate speak.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7457287.stm

Lucy Kellaway writes a excellent column for the Financial Times. In addition to her campaign against corporate speak, she was the one who unearthed that unspeakable Shell Oil anthem.

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Radbird
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: September 30 08, 9:49 pm 
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ghostrunner wrote:
Radbird wrote:
"Net net, at the end of the day..."


God, no.

Last week, I was in a meeting with one of our execs and a bunch of his staff people. In a 90-minute meeting, the term "at the end of the day" was used 17 times. I counted.

Halfway in, the exec asked who was "memorializing" the meeting. I think that means who was taking and publishing minutes, but I wasn't in the mood to socialize that with anyone to see if I was right.

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Freed Roger
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: September 30 08, 10:13 pm 
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a little downtime to touch base on this thread.
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ghostrunner
 Post subject: Re: Corporate Speak
PostPosted: September 30 08, 10:28 pm 
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Radbird wrote:
ghostrunner wrote:
Radbird wrote:
"Net net, at the end of the day..."


God, no.

Last week, I was in a meeting with one of our execs and a bunch of his staff people. In a 90-minute meeting, the term "at the end of the day" was used 17 times. I counted.

Halfway in, the exec asked who was "memorializing" the meeting. I think that means who was taking and publishing minutes, but I wasn't in the mood to socialize that with anyone to see if I was right.


I would have paid good money to see someone actually erect a memorial in honor of the meeting.
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