Corporate Speak

[G. Keenan]

This list is old but for some reason it's on the BBC most read list today. Don't know if it's been posted in this thread before.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7457287.stm

[Radbird]

Unfortunately, I've heard more of those than not. But #2 is new to me, and just unbelievably hilarious. I can't wait til I hear it used at my work. They may have to cart me off on a stretcher (probably because I'll be having a fit).

2. "My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really."
Anonymous, England

[G. Keenan]

Unfortunately, I've heard more of those than not. But #2 is new to me, and just unbelievably hilarious. I can't wait til I hear it used at my work. They may have to cart me off on a stretcher (probably because I'll be having a fit).

2. "My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really."
Anonymous, England

Yeah, that one is hands down the best. Almost too good to be true I think. I'm a little suspicious that it's real.

[lukethedrifter]

(I'm guessing you hate sports metaphors as much as I do).

My ex wife could not make it through a thought without dropping a sports metaphor or three. God it drove me crazy.

[ghostrunner]

32. "My least favourite business-speak term is not enough bandwidth. When an employee used this term to refuse an additional assignment, I realised I was completely 'out of the loop'."

That's the worst for me. This is an awful term. It's a term for computer networking and has a specific meaning in that context. If a person says this, it's vague. Do they not have the ability? The time? The fortitude? The staff? The knowledge? Who the hell knows?

"Drill down" is the next worst. That also relates to computers, as far as I know. I imagine in a project context it means "focus" or "work hard" but again who knows? Not nearly specific enough.


Whoever said "from the get-go" - that's just a colloquialism, and seems pretty clear to me.

[greenback44]

"Drill down" is pretty clear in my world. If there's a significant deviation from business plan or from last year's bottom line, then somebody's going to want a full explanation.

Michael: Why is the bottom line $1 million down versus last year?
Leroy: Well, if you drill down, you'll see the big difference is in expenses, and if you drill down further, you'll note that the Brodie lawsuit was finally settled last month.

[jim]

I don't know why people feel the need to invent stupid words and sayings to complicate what they are trying to say. I know I shouldn't use the f-word at work like I do, and I'm trying to work on that (well, no not really - I just say I am because it's more socially acceptable to say that I am ashamed of my rude behavior and language even though I'm not in the least. I mean I say I'm sorry at work sometimes, but I'm not. I'm only saying that because I'm in trouble and need to get out of it, and the best way is fake contrition. I don't give a [expletive] what they think, I'm just saving my own ass.) ... but at least my word gets to the point. I don't even know what people are talking about half the time at work honestly, and I don't think they know either.

[Freed Roger]

"shoot me an email"

"he's got a lot on his plate"

[Hungary Jack]

Unfortunately, I've heard more of those than not. But #2 is new to me, and just unbelievably hilarious. I can't wait til I hear it used at my work. They may have to cart me off on a stretcher (probably because I'll be having a fit).

2. "My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really."
Anonymous, England

Some ideas are golden.

[Freed Roger]

"____needs to step up to the plate"