mental illness/ suicide

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Diddy
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mental illness/ suicide

Post by Diddy »

This morning I went to the funeral of a friend and member of my extended family. From the outside he had the perfect life. Great loving wife and kids, good job, wife has a great job, good looking, smart. You name it he was it. If you had to pick someone to be he would have been it. I was shocked to get the call Sunday night that he had hung himself. Still am in shock really. No outwardly signs that anything was up. Id just had a great conversation with him a few weeks ago. Looking back the only odd thing was that he ended it somewhat abruptly, saying that I needed to get back to work. Which was true and really nit picking to try to come up with something I might have seen.

In the days since his suicide it has become known that he had recently been receiving treatment for bi polar disease. Through the grapevine ive heard that he was on the same meds that Chris Cornell was on. I have been treated for depression in the past. I was put on meds and did not like how they made me feel so I discontinued their use. I had a lot going on at the time and was depressed but I do not feel like I was actually battling technical depression, but I might be wrong. I know at that time people close to me would point out all the good things that I had in my life as reasons not to be depressed. That only served to make things worse, why do I have all of these good things and I'm still depressed?

I'm not asking for sympathy. I don't know where I'm going with this just that if anyone out there is going through something find someone to talk to. There were hundreds upon hundreds of people that would have done anything for him if we would have known. No matter how you might feel there are people out there that do care about you and will miss you if your gone. Its not easy but you can get through it. Just get help.

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heyzeus
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by heyzeus »

I know you're not asking for sympathy, but you have mine anyway.

I think everyone deserves to know that it matters whether they stay or go. That their presence in this world matters to other people. That's just my opinion, not being an expert or anything near it. But I wish everyone knew and felt that they mattered.

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GeddyWrox
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by GeddyWrox »

I've been there. I came pretty close to doing something really stupid in my teens. I'm really glad I didn't now.

Depression -- true, clinical depression -- and other illnesses like bi polar disorder, etc, are awful. For me, it was like my mind was trapped in a downward spiral that just pulled harder and harder. I got a little better in my 20s, but didn't really fully overcome it until a few years ago with the right work/life balance, a family that loved me, and the right anti-depressant.

It's tragic when people suffer in silence like your friend. But sometimes the cloud of the illness makes us think things like "no one would want to help me" or "I don't want anyone to burden themselves with helping me" or "I am not worthy of help". I know first hand the feelings that a depressed psyche can force upon the self.

Please don't beat yourself up Diddy. It sounds like there really weren't any signs that you could've/should've noticed to act upon.

And I am very sorry for your loss, and the emotional trauma his poor family has to go through now.

Ugh.

Diddy
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by Diddy »

I'm not beating myself up. I'm struggling to understand it. I feel horrible for his wife and kids and brothers. I hope they aren't beating themselves up.

Freed Roger
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by Freed Roger »

Sorry Diddy.

Took me a couple days to open this thread- hits brutally close to home. A friend of my teenage daughter. A kid I watched grow up.

I too worry about meds, - they can be a useful tool, but with lots of unknowns for how it alters people or the problem when they foster dependency and then stop taking. Seems like dosage etc requires constant monitoring by self and professional.

Like your friend's situation, there were a few warning signs-life dealt him some raw deals. but they only flashed randomly. No bullying involved- he was a popular kid. Everybody that was around him the weekend prior saw a happy kid enjoying life.

The eulogy for him, by the boys father was sad, and happy too- but with very powerful message about suicide. to the kids and fellow parents. To the peers -whatever bad you are experiencing, trust that it will pass,-maybe not in an hour or a day or even a month- but it will pass. He encouraged them to speak to a friend a parent a counselor- and pointed out how he is seeking counseling himself.

To parents- and this guy is a great Dad -love your kids. Always remember to check on where their heart is. So much we focus on their well being with grades or how to pay for their college. Maybe seek out how they are doing with friends, boyfriends girlfriends etc.

Anyways- Thanks for sharing Diddy

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IMADreamer
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by IMADreamer »

Sorry to hear it Diddy and I hope your own battle goes well. As my midlife crisis thread eluded to I'm fighting something hard right now. I'm afraid to ask for help and I'm afraid to keep going it alone.

I am always here for anyone on this forum to chat with if any of you ever need it.

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Fat_Bulldog
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by Fat_Bulldog »

I'm so sorry for all that have gone through this type of thing.

This is a good thread to have.

Just talking to someone and sharing can be very therapeutic.

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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by Leroy »

Sorry diddy, but yeah, don't beat yourself up.

My wife deals with depression on some level. Unfortunately she is really too embarrassed to talk about it to me. I finally got her to see someone, she has gone three times. Sometimes she seems better, sometimes not. That's the way that stuff works though, I'm used to it.

It hasn't ever gone to an extreme except for once she was undergoing a medication change. She got really angry and threatened to swallow a bottle of pills, had them right by her mouth. My wife is not physically strong...I'm not Lou Ferrigno either, but much stronger than her, and try as I might I couldn't get those fingers unwrapped from that bottle of pills. That really scared me.

I wish I could see inside people to know what it is that's doing this, I think it is mostly chemicals. Once I was hospitalized with an ammonia imbalance and I was seriously a raving lunatic for a full day. I mean, the things they said I did, I couldn't believe. Anyway, I still feel that we are just a pinch of a chemical one way or another from being either dead or very ill. The fact that we have evolved into what we are is all that much more amazing to me now.

My wife should really be pretty happy, and she is on the outside, but inside something is bothering her and it bothers me that I can't really help. Maybe some day she can take me to a session, so I can be given some advice.

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heyzeus
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by heyzeus »

By the way, just throwing this out there: Anyone on this forum, feel free to PM me any time. I'm usually awake. I like chatting with people. I can send you my gchat handle too.

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cardinalkarp
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Re: mental illness/ suicide

Post by cardinalkarp »

I think EVERYONE deals w/ some sort of depression or "mental illness" at some point in their lives. Clinical depression and diagnosed mental illnesses are a much different beast. But for anyone to think they're weak because they feel alone or depressed in what can be a very cruel world at times has nothing to be ashamed of or think something is wrong w/ them.

Being able to talk to a friend about these sort of things can be VERY hard to do (no matter how good the friend), because internally it seems as though in this day and age, weakness and vulnerability is viewed by many as a negative trait, while in fact it's the exact opposite. Those feelings take the absolute most courage to be able to share w/ others when feeling that way.

I'm not ashamed to say that I speak to a counselor occasionally when things in life get hard or confusing. Having a professional that not only listens w/o judgment, provides an unbiased view of things, and then give suggestions w/ how to best cope w/ the feelings one is having can be just what a person needs in times when they might feel as though there is no where to turn.

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