United Airlines, I hate you deeply.
Posted: November 18 11, 9:49 am
So I got to the Buenos Aires airport last night about two hours before departure and went to check in.
How many bags are you checking?
One, I'm only allowed one, right? This (I hold up my second bag) is small enough to be carry-on, right?
I guess so, she says.
It is, I already know that because I've checked it as carry-on many times, but let's stop right there. One checked bag? On an international flight to another [expletive] continent in another [expletive] hemisphere for a ticket that costs well over $1000 for which you still have to pay [expletive] extra for beer or wine you are only allowed one checked bag? [expletive] ridiculous. A second bag costs $70.
Passport please. (writes my name and passport number down on piece of paper). When did you last enter Argentina?
August 14th.
That's more than 90 days, go see immigration.
Thus begins a story in of itself that isn't very interesting, but it took a long time to settle a very simple procedure. Still, I return to the check in desk with more than an hour before the flight is scheduled to depart.
The United desk is abandoned. Every single one of the sons of [expletive] is gone. Nada. So I look for a United help desk. Doesn't exist. Does not exist inside the airport. Go to the general airport info desk and ask for the number for United's office. Call number, office closed, have to call 24hour help line (international calling rates apply naturally) to change ticket because it's obvious that even though this plane will still be parked at the gate for another hour I'm not going to be getting on it.
Call, get connected to India.
Yes sir, we can change that ticket, I will try to put you on the next flight. I'm showing that the next flight is tomorrow so rebooking and fare difference will apply.
How much will that be?
$1200
Oh no it won't.
Sir, I'm showing that the plane is still at the gate, why don't you get on it now?
I've already explained this to you, there are no United employees to check me in.
Let me speak to my supervisor.
/disconnected.
Call back, again get India, repeat conversation, this time get a bit further though.
Okay sir, I can rebook you on tomorrow's flight but you will have to surrender your boarding pass at the airport beforehand. I can't rebook you while you have a boarding pass for this flight because the flight hasn't left yet.
What boarding pass? I was never given a boarding pass.
I'm showing that you are checked in.
How is that possible?
Let me speak to my supervisor to see if I can uncheck you in.
/disconnected.
At this point I do that math and realize that these two calls have just cost me about $150. Wonderful. So I go find a wifi connection and call back on Skype. After holding for 45 minutes I get a person in the US.
Forget everything those last two people told you, you must have been dealing with one of our contractors (brilliant, even the company's own employees know that it's [expletive] stupid to farm that [expletive] out to India.)
I repeat my story.
I hear you sir, but the only way you can rebook without paying $1000 is to talk to the ground staff at the airport.
But there are no staff at the airport. There is literally no one I can talk to and hasn't been for the last 3 hours.
Yes sir, that is strange.
Uh huh.
Sir, only the ground staff can rebook you without charge because in the system it looks like you were just a no show.
Yada yada yada....
I can wave the rebooking fee but you will still have to pay the fare difference.
How much is that?
$984. Will that be on the same credit card you used to book the original flight.
Yes.
Would you like an aisle, I can give you 28B, right next to TWO EMPTY SEATS.
How many bags are you checking?
One, I'm only allowed one, right? This (I hold up my second bag) is small enough to be carry-on, right?
I guess so, she says.
It is, I already know that because I've checked it as carry-on many times, but let's stop right there. One checked bag? On an international flight to another [expletive] continent in another [expletive] hemisphere for a ticket that costs well over $1000 for which you still have to pay [expletive] extra for beer or wine you are only allowed one checked bag? [expletive] ridiculous. A second bag costs $70.
Passport please. (writes my name and passport number down on piece of paper). When did you last enter Argentina?
August 14th.
That's more than 90 days, go see immigration.
Thus begins a story in of itself that isn't very interesting, but it took a long time to settle a very simple procedure. Still, I return to the check in desk with more than an hour before the flight is scheduled to depart.
The United desk is abandoned. Every single one of the sons of [expletive] is gone. Nada. So I look for a United help desk. Doesn't exist. Does not exist inside the airport. Go to the general airport info desk and ask for the number for United's office. Call number, office closed, have to call 24hour help line (international calling rates apply naturally) to change ticket because it's obvious that even though this plane will still be parked at the gate for another hour I'm not going to be getting on it.
Call, get connected to India.
Yes sir, we can change that ticket, I will try to put you on the next flight. I'm showing that the next flight is tomorrow so rebooking and fare difference will apply.
How much will that be?
$1200
Oh no it won't.
Sir, I'm showing that the plane is still at the gate, why don't you get on it now?
I've already explained this to you, there are no United employees to check me in.
Let me speak to my supervisor.
/disconnected.
Call back, again get India, repeat conversation, this time get a bit further though.
Okay sir, I can rebook you on tomorrow's flight but you will have to surrender your boarding pass at the airport beforehand. I can't rebook you while you have a boarding pass for this flight because the flight hasn't left yet.
What boarding pass? I was never given a boarding pass.
I'm showing that you are checked in.
How is that possible?
Let me speak to my supervisor to see if I can uncheck you in.
/disconnected.
At this point I do that math and realize that these two calls have just cost me about $150. Wonderful. So I go find a wifi connection and call back on Skype. After holding for 45 minutes I get a person in the US.
Forget everything those last two people told you, you must have been dealing with one of our contractors (brilliant, even the company's own employees know that it's [expletive] stupid to farm that [expletive] out to India.)
I repeat my story.
I hear you sir, but the only way you can rebook without paying $1000 is to talk to the ground staff at the airport.
But there are no staff at the airport. There is literally no one I can talk to and hasn't been for the last 3 hours.
Yes sir, that is strange.
Uh huh.
Sir, only the ground staff can rebook you without charge because in the system it looks like you were just a no show.
Yada yada yada....
I can wave the rebooking fee but you will still have to pay the fare difference.
How much is that?
$984. Will that be on the same credit card you used to book the original flight.
Yes.
Would you like an aisle, I can give you 28B, right next to TWO EMPTY SEATS.