Rant: Coleslaw

[33anda3rd]

If you are gonna sell fried chicken, and you're gonna sell slaw as a side, you have two slaw routes.

1. Acidic slaw that cuts against the fattiness/oiliness of the bird.
2. Creamy slaw that adds another layer of fattiness/oiliness to the bird.

There is no in-between. You've gotta pick a style and ride it hard. Go over the top on the acidity so my palate gets blasted clean for the next bite. Or go over the top creamy so my eyes roll back in my head and I'm like "[expletive], I shouldn't be eating this at eleven thirty. In the morning." But don't pussyfoot around and go halfway. That halfway garbage is like lightly dressed cabbage, something only enjoyed by 900 year old white people who ask any waiter with hair darker than mine "now where are YOU from?" Make a bold choice. In between coleslaw is some bull [expletive]. And everyone serves it. I've had a lot of great fried chicken the last few years and not one good coleslaw in a restaurant.

[AWvsCBsteeeerike3]

Plus creamy slaws are gross in general. Vinegar, bacon, bacon grease, sugar/honey, cabbage is the only way to start a good slaw, imo.

But, in general, I agree that few people make it well. And, when it's not done well, it's one of the grossest dishes in the world. Cabbage, mayo, vinegar, celery seeds? [expletive] outta here.

[tlombard]

I disagree. I love all slaw but if given my choice, I'll go with creamy 99% of the time.

Yes, I'm fat.

[Fat_Bulldog]

Say no to mayo on anything. It should be illegal.

Vinegar based cole slaw for the win!

[33anda3rd]

I find it annoying when details or accompanying parts get half-assed because the owner or leader of the group can't spend a little bit of time on them. I was in a hotel in KY last month, the alarm clock was in the sitting area, several steps from the bed. Who does that? When we bought our place, one of the bedroom closets had a window--this was because the developer who renovated the place in 2006 turned what was not a bedroom into an extra bedroom, but then put the closet around one of the windows? WTF? My mother in law has a walker that has a seat if she wants to sit, and the only storage in the walker requires her to lift the seat so, when seated, she can't get a kleenex or whatever. Who designs something that way?

Middle-of-the-road slaw is like that for me. If I gave anyone in the meat smoking thread a restaurant kitchen and a literally limitless capacity to purchase ingredients for R&D, and said "make a slaw, but it has to be notable and delicious," every one would come up with a better slaw than is served in as far as I know 95% of fried chicken places in Chicago.

Slaw with fried chicken is like wine or beer with food: they go, and you can either contrast or complement with the flavor profile. I like both kinds. You can make really good creamy cole slaw without mayo--sour cream and creme fraiche can do the trick. It can be kind of a fatty, luxurious thing next to a fatty, luxurious treat of fried chicken. In Korea, Kimchi is one kind of slaw: cabbage that is fermented, sour, spicy and funky. Take out the funky fermentation, keep the high level of acidity and adjust the spice to the American South and you've got good tangy/spicy cole slaw that can be made inexpensively and it's delicious. This isn't hard, it's just people annoyingly don't spend time or energy or thought on this detail then ask for money fore some half-assed garbage.

[33anda3rd]

Pico de gallo is like this too. In America it sucks at 99% of places. To keep food cost down and manpower time low it's largely onion and pepper. The real deal has OJ and jicama and more tomato than onion (take the pepper and onion combined, then double that amount for the tomato and you've got a more true-to-nature pico, it's tomato-y not super sharp) and it's an entirely different thing, but in the US restaurateurs cut corners to make it cheap and easy to toss down for free.

It's those little things that make a difference. If I have Jack's Tacos next door to Joe's Tacos, and the tacos are basically both just as good, and they both generously hit me with a little snack of chips and pico before my tacos arrive, and Jack's pico is really solid but Joe's is too sharp and watery and meh, I'll go to Jack's Tacos every time, just because he puts that little bit of extra effort in.

Maybe this isn't a rant about cole slaw as much as it is a rant about restaurants that just don't pay enough attention to the little details that differentiate them.

[obucard]

I don't like coleslaw. *ducks*

[tlombard]

I don't like coleslaw. *ducks*

You're safe. I already broke my computer screen throwing everything I have at it in response to FB saying mayo should be illegal. Oh yeah, then maybe gravy should be illegal too!!!








BTW, if gravy was illegal then I'd probably just off myself.

[Jocephus]

[33anda3rd]

I totally get that people don't like mayo. Not everyone is gonna be into the idea of globby emulsified egg product that can live in their fridge for months.