Rant: My Last 10 Days Make Me Want To Hurt Someone

[slide_into_first]

The more I think about it, people who take advantage of friends of the groom at bachelor parties are as bad as sex offenders.

[tlombard]

The more I think about it, people who take advantage of friends of the groom at bachelor parties are as bad as sex offenders.

I was just the best man in my brother's wedding over the weekend. Unfortunately none of the ladies took advantage of me. The bride is from Florida and only a couple of people came up from there so it was a pretty small wedding and most of the ladies were family or someone I've know forever. It was pretty sad. Complete waste of a tux.

In other news that goes along with the way I started this thread, I was always suspicious that the guy who shut her down right after Mr. Rapey tried to get to her was one of my best friends and I found out last night that I was right. She never wanted to tell me because she wasn't sure if I would be mad at him or her or both and if I was mad at him then she didn't want to be the reason. Eh, whatever. I had figured it was him anyway.

I got more of the story which actually picked back up rather randomly last Friday and she finally came clean to me last night. She told another friend at work (who I happen to be going to the bar with right after work tonight) what happened Friday with my friend and swore him to secrecy but I think she got nervous that I would find out and tried to do damage control. She also doesn't know that I have any idea that he knows but at least I have someone to talk about the mess with now. When she told him yesterday he mentioned to her that I had a pretty good idea because I had mentioned it to him at the bar while it was all going on.

It turns out that she had bought my friend tickets to see The Urge for his birthday back before it all went down initially and wasn't going to go on Friday night but ended up going thinking it would be OK. Well, he still said the same things... but she was drunk and they ended up sleeping together. She knew it was a mistake the next morning and of course she hasn't heard from him since. At least he never lied to her and was honest so I don't have any beef with him. I wish he would have not let it go that far Friday but let's face it, he is a man. I wouldn't have stopped myself either knowing that I wasn't going to be the one to have to help pick up the pieces. So she is all upset yet again. And the panic attacks are back.

Last night was the second night in a row that she started texting me after her girls were asleep and she felt a panic attack coming on. I am glad that talking to me helps her calm down but I can't keep this up much longer. She almost had one on the way to work this morning and called her psychiatrist and talked to her the entire drive to work. She grew up being told that you don't cry or really share your feelings and apparently she has never told anybody all of what has happened to her. Not even her parents. Everyone just gets little bits and pieces. The girl needs to get it out. Thankfully that is what she was told by the psychiatrist because that is what I have been trying to convince her of. If talking to someone will stop the panic attack when it starts then it only makes sense right?

She finally accepts that she needs to tell someone everything but now she just doesn't know who. She doesn't want to burden anyone with the story. She doesn't want to inconvenience them. I told her today that she needs to stop worrying about other people if only for one night and worry about herself because she can't keep going like this. I also told her that someone who truly cares about her wouldn't see it as a burden or inconvenience as much as they would an honor that she is able to trust and open up to them. That is how I really feel. I have had some friends tell me about rapes and being molested and all kinds of horrible things and sure it sucks to see them go through the pain again talking about it but in the end they feel better and our friendship is only stronger knowing that we trust each other enough to put it all out there.

Long story short... I have a feeling that I'm going to end up being the one. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Especially since if I wasn't considered management in the department she works in, I would never have been in this position to begin with. Instead of becoming friends, I would have tried to take a shot at dating her and things would have probably ended up weird. Even knowing everything that I do, if one of us were to end up in another department, I probably still would take a shot... and right now that would be disasterous! I was perfectly OK with knowing that my best friend and roommate for six years was the one she dated but I have to admit that finding out last night that she was drunk and slept with him was a kick in the gut because I like her way more than any of the others. I should be used to this though. This is not the first time that a female friend of mine has met one of my male friends and things happened and then the girl comes to me to help her through it. I am like the fat/dorky friend in all of the teenage rom-coms who is always there for the hot chick. Only in my movie the hot chick never realizes she loves the fat/dorky kid. That stuff has been happening consistently since high school and it has me pretty effed up when it comes to my self confidence with women. The next single female friend of mine that tells me that I deserve someone special may just get punched in the baby maker. I'm really sick of hearing that garbage. I don't even care if I am interested in you, if you don't want to take a shot with me then keep it shut.

[slide_into_first]

The more I think about it, people who take advantage of friends of the groom at bachelor parties are as bad as sex offenders.

I was just the best man in my brother's wedding over the weekend. Unfortunately none of the ladies took advantage of me. The bride is from Florida and only a couple of people came up from there so it was a pretty small wedding and most of the ladies were family or someone I've know forever. It was pretty sad. Complete waste of a tux.

In other news that goes along with the way I started this thread, I was always suspicious that the guy who shut her down right after Mr. Rapey tried to get to her was one of my best friends and I found out last night that I was right. She never wanted to tell me because she wasn't sure if I would be mad at him or her or both and if I was mad at him then she didn't want to be the reason. Eh, whatever. I had figured it was him anyway.

I got more of the story which actually picked back up rather randomly last Friday and she finally came clean to me last night. She told another friend at work (who I happen to be going to the bar with right after work tonight) what happened Friday with my friend and swore him to secrecy but I think she got nervous that I would find out and tried to do damage control. She also doesn't know that I have any idea that he knows but at least I have someone to talk about the mess with now. When she told him yesterday he mentioned to her that I had a pretty good idea because I had mentioned it to him at the bar while it was all going on.

It turns out that she had bought my friend tickets to see The Urge for his birthday back before it all went down initially and wasn't going to go on Friday night but ended up going thinking it would be OK. Well, he still said the same things... but she was drunk and they ended up sleeping together. She knew it was a mistake the next morning and of course she hasn't heard from him since. At least he never lied to her and was honest so I don't have any beef with him. I wish he would have not let it go that far Friday but let's face it, he is a man. I wouldn't have stopped myself either knowing that I wasn't going to be the one to have to help pick up the pieces. So she is all upset yet again. And the panic attacks are back.

Last night was the second night in a row that she started texting me after her girls were asleep and she felt a panic attack coming on. I am glad that talking to me helps her calm down but I can't keep this up much longer. She almost had one on the way to work this morning and called her psychiatrist and talked to her the entire drive to work. She grew up being told that you don't cry or really share your feelings and apparently she has never told anybody all of what has happened to her. Not even her parents. Everyone just gets little bits and pieces. The girl needs to get it out. Thankfully that is what she was told by the psychiatrist because that is what I have been trying to convince her of. If talking to someone will stop the panic attack when it starts then it only makes sense right?

She finally accepts that she needs to tell someone everything but now she just doesn't know who. She doesn't want to burden anyone with the story. She doesn't want to inconvenience them. I told her today that she needs to stop worrying about other people if only for one night and worry about herself because she can't keep going like this. I also told her that someone who truly cares about her wouldn't see it as a burden or inconvenience as much as they would an honor that she is able to trust and open up to them. That is how I really feel. I have had some friends tell me about rapes and being molested and all kinds of horrible things and sure it sucks to see them go through the pain again talking about it but in the end they feel better and our friendship is only stronger knowing that we trust each other enough to put it all out there.

Long story short... I have a feeling that I'm going to end up being the one. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Especially since if I wasn't considered management in the department she works in, I would never have been in this position to begin with. Instead of becoming friends, I would have tried to take a shot at dating her and things would have probably ended up weird. Even knowing everything that I do, if one of us were to end up in another department, I probably still would take a shot... and right now that would be disasterous! I was perfectly OK with knowing that my best friend and roommate for six years was the one she dated but I have to admit that finding out last night that she was drunk and slept with him was a kick in the gut because I like her way more than any of the others. I should be used to this though. This is not the first time that a female friend of mine has met one of my male friends and things happened and then the girl comes to me to help her through it. I am like the fat/dorky friend in all of the teenage rom-coms who is always there for the hot chick. Only in my movie the hot chick never realizes she loves the fat/dorky kid. That stuff has been happening consistently since high school and it has me pretty effed up when it comes to my self confidence with women. The next single female friend of mine that tells me that I deserve someone special may just get punched in the baby maker. I'm really sick of hearing that garbage. I don't even care if I am interested in you, if you don't want to take a shot with me then keep it shut.

I think you should read all of haltz's posts about women and do what he says.

[haltz]

My first piece of advice is not to pay $40 to see The Urge when Steve Ewing will play at your birthday party for free.

[tlombard]

So, she did tell me what happened in Ohio on Thanksgiving night. It was brutal and explains a lot of other things too. Like when she got sucker punched and beat up by a guy on Wash Ave this summer and just ran instead of getting the police involved. She was surrounded by guys, one of which had beat her up and was having flash backs to being beaten and raped by four guys for 3 hours and then dumped behind a parking garage an hour from home. I also found out that I am literally only the second person she has ever told and the other was her best friend who died not long after. I also found out how her marriage ended. They hadn't even had any fights. She just came home one day and her husband had her stuff packed up. He told her he didn't want to be a husband or father anymore and suggested she find somewhere to stay that night and kicked her and the kids out.

I generally don't believe in bad luck and believe that most people who always seem to have bad luck are somehow creating it themselves but this girl has bad luck. You can't even make the case that nothing bad would happen if she just locked herself in her apartment and never came out when a convicted rapist on parole moves in and gets caught trying to break in at 1am.

[haltz]

Oh, yeah, I got this one. She is certainly unlucky, but to paraphrase Dr Drew, victims are created at a young age and can become predisposed to a life of victimhood. They seem to attract predators. She needs a good therapist.

[tlombard]

Oh, yeah, I got this one. She is certainly unlucky, but to paraphrase Dr Drew, victims are created at a young age and can become predisposed to a life of victimhood. They seem to attract predators. She needs a good therapist.

Agreed. I've mentioned the EAP program we have at work a couple of times. Hopefully she takes advantage. As it is now whoever she is seeing just gives her some pills that she won't take because they make her feel like a 'zombie.'

[docellis]

I am very sorry. I want to say that first. Because you will hate my opinion.

This girl is lying.

She is lying about something. I imagine the smallest lie is that she has "only told you" about her problems.

If she is only lying about that, yeah, she has the worst luck of all time.

But I don't think that is the only thing she is lying about.

[Popeye_Card]

I am very sorry. I want to say that first. Because you will hate my opinion.

This girl is lying.

She is lying about something. I imagine the smallest lie is that she has "only told you" about her problems.

If she is only lying about that, yeah, she has the worst luck of all time.

But I don't think that is the only thing she is lying about.

I concur.

[Fat_Bulldog]

I am very sorry. I want to say that first. Because you will hate my opinion.

This girl is lying.

She is lying about something. I imagine the smallest lie is that she has "only told you" about her problems.

If she is only lying about that, yeah, she has the worst luck of all time.

But I don't think that is the only thing she is lying about.

I concur.

Third.

I would stay away from this girl.