Oh great, the L word

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sighyoung
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by sighyoung »

IMADreamer wrote:I'm screwed. I've been hanging out with this girl a few weeks. She's nice, we have fun, but she is not long term relationship material. Then she dropped the L bomb yesterday. I met her family. Nice people, little rough on the edges but meh. As I was dropping her off at her place she said she loved me. I didn't know what to say. I certainly don't love her. I told her I was no where near ready to go there and she said it's fine she understands but she had to tell me how she felt.

Jesus H. tap dancing Christ is this going to be a mess.

I hate dating, I don't want to do it any more. It's no fun and I can't get what I want anyway. I hate it.
Actually, I think it's great that someone is romantically interested in you and said so. Socially awkward, yes, but you're a decent guy and tactful, and I trust you to state how you feel honestly. As you wrote later, you are interested in friendship and support, and just say that. But any time someone says they love you and seem to mean it, that's a compliment.

At first, when I saw the thread title, I thought you meant "Sapphic." Or that she'd attacked you for being "liberal." I was hoping she was a "libertine," but then remembered her past, so I guess that wasn't too appropriate.

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sighyoung
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by sighyoung »

Oh, and by the way, sorry dating is so unpleasant for you. I sympathize.

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lukethedrifter
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by lukethedrifter »

She told you how she feels. You're not leading her on. If you're straight with her that should keep you out of messes you don't want to get involved in. You'll be alright.

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sighyoung
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Re: Oh great, the L word

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A bit off-topic, but how typical is it for family members to want to meet someone you're dating?

I ask because my mother said that she absolutely did NOT want to meet a date unless I'd become fairly serious. Otherwise, she didn't want in my business, and didn't want to be bothered. But I don't think she's typical by any means.

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IMADreamer
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Re: Oh great, the L word

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sighyoung wrote:A bit off-topic, but how typical is it for family members to want to meet someone you're dating?

I ask because my mother said that she absolutely did NOT want to meet a date unless I'd become fairly serious. Otherwise, she didn't want in my business, and didn't want to be bothered. But I don't think she's typical by any means.
Well I don't know really. I've dated like four girls my whole life so it's a small sample size. I grew up with Nic so I've known her family since I was a baby. the couple girls I dated in college I met there parents after several months I guess. This girl wanted me to meet her family for some reason. I guess because she loves me.

I had her over tonight and I just wanted to talk to her about it. I think she really does get it and doesn't seem at all offended or worried that I'm not there and may not ever get there with her. It is really flattering that she feels that way about me. Maybe just a bit scary too. I told her that all day I've worried about hurting her. I don't want to break her heart but I'm afraid I will because I'm afraid I can never have another relationship like I had before. Me giving her anything less then that just feels like I'm treating her wrong.

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cardsfansince82
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by cardsfansince82 »

Watch out for the goalie getting pulled.

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JackofDiamonds
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by JackofDiamonds »

cardsfansince82 wrote:Watch out for the goalie getting pulled.
Free anchor baby!

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heyzeus
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by heyzeus »

IMADreamer wrote:
sighyoung wrote:A bit off-topic, but how typical is it for family members to want to meet someone you're dating?

I ask because my mother said that she absolutely did NOT want to meet a date unless I'd become fairly serious. Otherwise, she didn't want in my business, and didn't want to be bothered. But I don't think she's typical by any means.
Well I don't know really. I've dated like four girls my whole life so it's a small sample size. I grew up with Nic so I've known her family since I was a baby. the couple girls I dated in college I met there parents after several months I guess. This girl wanted me to meet her family for some reason. I guess because she loves me.

I had her over tonight and I just wanted to talk to her about it. I think she really does get it and doesn't seem at all offended or worried that I'm not there and may not ever get there with her. It is really flattering that she feels that way about me. Maybe just a bit scary too. I told her that all day I've worried about hurting her. I don't want to break her heart but I'm afraid I will because I'm afraid I can never have another relationship like I had before. Me giving her anything less then that just feels like I'm treating her wrong.
As long as you're up front with her, and don't just say "I love you too" because it would be easier than not saying it and hurting her, you're ok. Question - I'm assuming she knows about your relationship with your fiance and your loss, right? If she knows about that, she has to understand why you can't rush into commitment, even just emotional commitment. If she knows that and doesn't understand and give you the time and space you need, she's flat out not the right person for you.

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The Third Man
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by The Third Man »

cardsfansince82 wrote:Watch out for the goalie getting pulled.
I have a good friend whose boyfriend apparently tried to mess with her birth control schedule in order to try and impregnate her as means of keeping an ironclad grip on her, which...what? There are guys that do that?

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AWvsCBsteeeerike3
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Re: Oh great, the L word

Post by AWvsCBsteeeerike3 »

people that mess with impregnation in order to keep a relationship alive are seriously, absolutely seriously [expletive] up in the head. women that just lie about it are meh, just bordering on psychotic. women that actually try to get pregnant to lock up a guy/money deserve to go to jail. same for guys.

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