Rant: Work-life balance

[Gashouse]

My work-life balance is way out of whack. Work has been really demanding with stuff I have trouble asking others to do for me mostly because a lot of it is unbillable time. (Billable and unbillable time is a whole different rant. I'm sick of it). Admittedly, I have a hard time saying no to things, and that's definitely part of my problem.

My kids are at fun ages and I don't feel like I have time to really enjoy them as much as I should. If I do take the time, it means working really late or waking up really early to work, which makes me tired and crabby. That said, I am currently staying home 2 days a week to be with my 9 month old (and today is one of those days). I also coach my daughter's softball team and am regularly running her and her 6 yo brother to activities and trying to have fun with them.

A college roommate is brilliant, but usually has jobs that don't require his degree or any college degree (what they are really doesn't matter). I don't think he makes much and probably doesn't have much saved for retirement. He's fairly eccentric and won't ever get married or have kids. But I'm pretty sure he's much happier than I am right now. He's working to live, but I seem to have that backwards in too many ways.

In three more weeks, the school year will end and my wife will be home with the kids for the summer. I definitely need to say "[expletive] it" for work on my remaining days home with the infant and enjoy this time with him.

[pioneer98]

Yes, I would advise you to say "[expletive] it". The kids are only young once. I have to admit though that it is hard. Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm not spending enough time with the family and then other times I feel guilty because I'm not putting in the hours at work like some of my coworkers. It's tough but you just have to not feel guilty about it and do your best both at home and at work. There are only so many hours in the day.

[IMADreamer]

I'm that awkward college roommate you are talking about I guess. lol I was where you were a few years ago. My business was taking up most of my time, then helping Dad at the farm took the rest of it. I was having success but not fun in life and when Nic got sick I just said [expletive] it. Life is too short for that. I did/don't really care if I spend my life in poverty at this point as long as I can spend time with the people I love. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner.

[Freed Roger]

2 days with the baby, coaching daughter's team etc...sounds like you are doing some decent balancing-at least better than some.

Though comparing your life to others, can be a bummer. For our daughter, we scaled back on some organized activities which has been real nice for us all.. Granted, she may miss out on her pro sports career, college scholarship, musical career.

I think the other way to keep simple is on the home side of equation- keep the non-essential home impvmt projects at bay. Do the fun ones that you can fit in (yard stuff maybe), but so much of it can wait until your kids are older. I think of my Dad-he died young- our house was kind of ragged, because he did not squander his short time on it- spent it goofing around with us, coaching our teams, kicking back to listen to Cardinal game with us.

[jim]

I don't know how to advise because every situation is so different. I have said said [expletive] it so many times and missed deadlines etc.. and it just doesn't seem to matter. In fact, I swear sometimes my stock goes up. I really have wondered at times how I have gotten away with stuff like I have. I have been in IT for 28 years, and I can probably count on my hands how many times I've worked > 40 hours in a week. I just won't do it, and even at times where I thought I would pay the price I didn't.

I do think people would be surprised at how you can stand up for yourself, say "no" and not be looked at in a negative light. I know that's not always the case, and maybe it's unique to my industry/employer/blind luck.

Hope things get squared away, work shouldn't rule your life though. If it does do something to change it.

[AWvsCBsteeeerike3]

I can't imagine how difficult it would be to stay home with a young child everyday. i love my son, but taking care of him for 10 hours...sheesh it wears me out.

[cardsfansince82]

Life is too short for that. I did/don't really care if I spend my life in poverty at this point as long as I can spend time with the people I love.

I chuckle at your post when you are not only earning money, but the size of your deposits are impressing your local bank teller. Tell me you're not being serious. World's smallest violin will otherwise be playing.

[heyzeus]

It's hard to resist work, and the compulsion to Always Need More (more money for more stuff). I don't know what you do for a living, Gashouse, but I'm a slave to the billable/nonbillable hour as well. Every hour I'm billing, my family gets paid. Every hour I'm not billing, my family does not get paid. That essentially means that there are no paid vacations, no paid weekends, no paid evenings. Every hour of my day, I'm either choosing to work and get paid, or to not work and not get paid.

It's hard to break myself out of the mindset of "work more so we can make more money." What helps me is to think about the basic truth that is so basic it's really a cliche. This moment when my son is 2 years old, and says goofy things and gives unconditional hugs and names all of his stuffed animals after himself, is the ONLY moment he will ever be just like this. If I work more, I will see less of him, and experience less of this time. And then it's gone, forever.

It's a sobering and depressing thought, but it helps motivate me. Work when it's time for work because I need to, to support my family. But don't work at the expense of time with my family. Leave money on the table to take trips or time off because money is worth less than that time with your family, which is (again, cliche but true) priceless and truly finite. IT's hard to do. I'm still working on it. But it helps to think about.

[letsgocards89]

I've been on both ends of the work-life balance spectrum. In my last job, it was 24x7x365. (unnecessarily so) I carried a Blackberry and was expected to answer it all times of day. I actually got a high-priority (and thus setting off an alert) at 3am that read, "respond to this immediately. In 10 minutes I will start calling you." Needless to say, it was awful.

Fastforward to my current job, where I am off work at 4pm and expected to leave at that time. My boss has gotten on my case when she's come over and found me working at 4:10. It's fantastic. Not only do you get a much better work-life balance, but it prevents the downward spiral of oneupsmanship that comes from one guy working to 4:10 and the next guy working to 4:15 to show how hardworking he is, leading to someone else working until 4:30, etc. It doesn't have the highest pay in the industry, but some perks don't have a monetary value attached to it.

[jim]

It's hard to resist work, and the compulsion to Always Need More (more money for more stuff). I don't know what you do for a living, Gashouse, but I'm a slave to the billable/nonbillable hour as well. Every hour I'm billing, my family gets paid. Every hour I'm not billing, my family does not get paid. That essentially means that there are no paid vacations, no paid weekends, no paid evenings. Every hour of my day, I'm either choosing to work and get paid, or to not work and not get paid.

It's hard to break myself out of the mindset of "work more so we can make more money." What helps me is to think about the basic truth that is so basic it's really a cliche. This moment when my son is 2 years old, and says goofy things and gives unconditional hugs and names all of his stuffed animals after himself, is the ONLY moment he will ever be just like this. If I work more, I will see less of him, and experience less of this time. And then it's gone, forever.

It's a sobering and depressing thought, but it helps motivate me. Work when it's time for work because I need to, to support my family. But don't work at the expense of time with my family. Leave money on the table to take trips or time off because money is worth less than that time with your family, which is (again, cliche but true) priceless and truly finite. IT's hard to do. I'm still working on it. But it helps to think about.

I'm salary, so it's a different than being a billable person or hourly. I have seen people where it is hard for them to resist work. That's how they are wired. I'm wired completely differently, it's very easy for me to resist work. I can leave the office with a full fledged 4 alarm fire and not worry about it. In fact, I've been known to walk back in the next morning and started working on something else because I forgot! It's actually hard for me to get going with work. For two years I did consulting, and got out of it because the company I was working for was getting pissed that I was turning down hours. I refused to work > 40.

I am good at what I do so I can get by with this attitude.

Most adults go around spending 40+ hours doing very silly things and take it way to seriously. Medical people, military, cops, ... those are real jobs. Most of the rest of us are just putting on a big con job, laying low in the weeds and collecting a pay check and hoping nobody responsible for signing the paycheck wakes up and smells the coffee.

I'm basically a very lazy person when it comes to work but very lucky that I have a certain ability that allows me to slide pay and get paid well.