Corporate Speak

[lukethedrifter]

On thing about being a city fireman, you almost never hear corporate speak. Ever. You hear a lot cursing but very little corporate-type speak though it does exist in our industry.


This fancy pants Skokie Deputy Chief just said something about interfacing with frigid weather. WTF?
http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/show ... ather.html

[jim]

I recently took a 1/2 day class on writing effective email, one of the best classes I have ever taken. The women who taught it was this little tiny 50 some year old think with a Ph.D. in English and a dry wit that had the class cracking up all morning. One of things she kept harping on was the misguided notion of what looks and sounds intelligent. She used examples like "I concur", saying no normal person would ever say I concur in a conversation, and you shouldn't use it either. I think I do that naturally, I actually go out of my way to sound normal because business speak just makes my skin crawl. But it still was good to hear it.

Now if you will pardon me, I have to go interface with a penetrating dose of cold air in the outside region where my habitation is situated.

[slide_into_first]

The people who take those classes aren't the ones who need them.

[Arthur Dent]

I recently took a 1/2 day class on writing effective email, one of the best classes I have ever taken. The women who taught it was this little tiny 50 some year old think with a Ph.D. in English and a dry wit that had the class cracking up all morning. One of things she kept harping on was the misguided notion of what looks and sounds intelligent. She used examples like "I concur", saying no normal person would ever say I concur in a conversation, and you shouldn't use it either. I think I do that naturally, I actually go out of my way to sound normal because business speak just makes my skin crawl. But it still was good to hear it.

Now if you will pardon me, I have to go interface with a penetrating dose of cold air in the outside region where my habitation is situated.

Kind of like cop speak. Some people seem seem to go out of their way to try and exude some kind of strange version of what being intelligent or formal or something sounds like.

[slide_into_first]

Negatively perambulate viz a viz your vehicle, sir.

[letsgocards89]

LOL. I just got a sales-pitch version of one of these from an IT solutions vendor.

[lukethedrifter]

I was going to give one of those to an indecisive boss I used to have. That and a magic 8 ball and a quarter . But then I realized he be [expletive] if I did that.

[Radbird]

Tell him to bubble sort

[jim]

One of my best programmers came back from vacation this week, walked into my office today and put down $1.29 on my desk and said she wanted to buy me a song.

Why can Weird Al Yankovic make these words into something useful, but these brain dead suits in meetings can't:

[Radbird]

The annual RIFs (Reductions in Force) are in process - now referred to as "Workforce Skills Realignments". So far I'm okay, but the gal who replaced me and the guy I replaced when I changed jobs 2 years ago are both gone.

I'm hoping that I've fallen into a corporate black hole and they can't find me.