Terrific Turkey wrote:I too had to give birth on the way to work after ingesting a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon, strong coffee, etc. I’m halfway down the street when I get these sharp labor pains in my stomach. At 51 years old, it could not be a baby coming through. Sure enough, it felt like it was going to explode through my [expletive]. I tried in vain to make into the local nearby church but I just lost it. I farted heartily and out popped a hot mixture of solids and slop, all the way down my legs and into my shoes, staining my new black pants. Even though the pants were black, you could still see the [expletive] stains through them. I still felt like I had to go, so next came the afterbirth. I charged into the nearby Subway restaurant and into the bathroom. I [expletive] like a cow and let it rip. Some of it hit the floor too. After I finally finished, I must have [expletive] for 3 minutes straight, I noticed the crap had smoke coming out of it and pieces of whole corn in it. I ate corn the day before and thought I chewed it up okay, yet it came out whole. What is that?
Anyhoo, I cleaned up the floor and my shoes and socks as best I could and waddled over to the Sally Ann to get a new pair of pants. I didn’t have much money. Nobody there looked at me when I walked in. They must be used to the aroma of [expletive]. I finally found a new pair of stretch brown pants and tossed the soiled pants, etc. into the garbage. I can still hear the choking sounds of the toilet when I finished and flushed. What a beating it took that day!
This is the greatest first post in the history of message boards.
Terrific Turkey wrote:I too had to give birth on the way to work after ingesting a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon, strong coffee, etc. I’m halfway down the street when I get these sharp labor pains in my stomach. At 51 years old, it could not be a baby coming through. Sure enough, it felt like it was going to explode through my [expletive]. I tried in vain to make into the local nearby church but I just lost it. I farted heartily and out popped a hot mixture of solids and slop, all the way down my legs and into my shoes, staining my new black pants. Even though the pants were black, you could still see the [expletive] stains through them. I still felt like I had to go, so next came the afterbirth. I charged into the nearby Subway restaurant and into the bathroom. I [expletive] like a cow and let it rip. Some of it hit the floor too. After I finally finished, I must have [expletive] for 3 minutes straight, I noticed the crap had smoke coming out of it and pieces of whole corn in it. I ate corn the day before and thought I chewed it up okay, yet it came out whole. What is that?
Anyhoo, I cleaned up the floor and my shoes and socks as best I could and waddled over to the Sally Ann to get a new pair of pants. I didn’t have much money. Nobody there looked at me when I walked in. They must be used to the aroma of [expletive]. I finally found a new pair of stretch brown pants and tossed the soiled pants, etc. into the garbage. I can still hear the choking sounds of the toilet when I finished and flushed. What a beating it took that day!
This is the greatest first post in the history of message boards.
Welcome!
Ha ha. And let me invite you to post in the "describe your last
Dump using song title" thread
TGantz wrote:Currently having a Mexican stand off with a guy in the stall next to me. I've been in here five minutes and he hasn't made a single noise. I'm going to wait him out. I have no problem letting loose, but I want this guy to be as uncomfortable as possible.
Who was there first? We have a 2 stall men's room. If someone is in one of them when you walk in, most of the time, I (and others) come back later - sometimes you can hear the quick turnaround and exit when someone sees the feet in one of the stalls. But sometimes you can't wait. In that case, I firmly believe there is an unwritten rule that the person who was there first has the right to remain silent until the second person is finished.
If someone is in one of them when you walk in, most of the time, I (and others) come back later - sometimes you can hear the quick turnaround and exit when someone sees the feet in one of the stalls.
so true. we've got these weird innate rules for public bathroom use. everyone knows it but we are afraid to speak of it. then you get the ones who dont pay attention to those rules and end up [expletive] all over the wall or something.
