Introspection

[dangerous]

Cronos, if a lay person makes a well-meaning but insensitive remark, what determines whether you'd take offense or let it go? I'm thinking about Haltz' first post here.

Why do you ask?

I'm trying to figure out if one way out of self-loathing is other-loathing-- maybe a first step out of your morass is to stop blaming yourself and get mad at others. I'm not advocating spending your life as an a-hole but it could be a first step, you wouldn't be focused on your own imperfections.

[Transmogrified Tiger]

I'm not sure exactly how serious I'm being with this.

[/youtube]

[Jocephus]

So to answer your question: Without seeing his later explanation of it, culling what I know of Haltz, I would figure that he would intend the best with his response, but might not get that he's being an insensitve asshat. Then again, since this is the typical response I get from people(mostly guys) who have never been in my situation and who are being completely serious with their callous remarks to whom I've approached with this problem, I wouldn't think it much about it in the end.

Why do you ask?

first) i dont see haltz being an insensitive asshat.

second) i think its a bit presumptuous to assume that the people responding haven't been in "your situation". what is your situation? what makes what you are going through so differnet than anyone else? everyone struggles with self esteem/confidence.

thirdly) you aint never gonna get any 'tang with this "oh pity me" attitude.

[haltz]

Meh, if that was offensive then I apologize. I thought the "grow up" and "stop acting like a girl" parts were obviously intentionally over-the-top. That's probable better left for someone I know in real life that says something like that at a bar and it's easier to convey tone.

I'm not criticizing you, it had potential to get a different response.

I know you aren't (and it wouldn't bother me if you were), I'm just reiterating that I didn't mean it to be offensive since it was brought up. I have a problem saying things online that go over better in a different medium.

[Cronos]

first) i dont see haltz being an insensitive asshat.

Had he not elaborated on his post, I would have interpreted it as such. Fortunately, he did. Thus no problem with that. I was just answering D's question.

second) i think its a bit presumptuous to assume that the people responding haven't been in "your situation". what is your situation? what makes what you are going through so differnet than anyone else? everyone struggles with self esteem/confidence.

I'm not implying that everyone responding hasn't been in my situation. I would wager that 95% of the males have not, but that's just a ballpark figure, according to statistics I've read. Thought it was pretty safe to assume given national(at least US) averages. I'm talking about the reason why I struggle with self-esteem problems, not the percentage who do.

thirdly) you aint never gonna get any 'tang with this "oh pity me" attitude.

Everyone posts in rants for different reasons. I post in it for my own. It's not like I post "oh me oh my" topics every day, or every week, or even every month, or even every season.

[haltz]

first) i dont see haltz being an insensitive asshat.

To be fair, it wouldn't be close to the first time. Real life or Internet.

I do know that the problem isn't getting laid like people keep saying. That's the cart before the horse. And [expletive] if I know how people develop self-confidence, but realizing that you have some good things going for you has to be a start.

[Jocephus]

[expletive] statistics. you're not a statistic.

are you familiar with self-fulfilling prophecies? dont get locked into one.

[dangerous]

Maybe loathing others is not the correct way, but focusing on others instead of looking at your own faults.

[Cronos]

I'm not sure exactly how serious I'm being with this.

[/youtube]

That was pretty darn funny. Clearly Bob was a Behaviorist.

[Cronos]

[expletive] statistics. you're not a statistic.

Haha, this is the wrong board upon which to say that, isn't it?

People are statistics. Statistics are measurements of what is average, what is normal. That's all it is. Clearly, in the relevant department, I'm not normal. And at that point, few become normal. And ay, there's the rub.

And yes I've been told the tale of the self-fulfilling prophecy a lot. It doesn't work, in my eyes. Why? The only time it's ever brought up is when it involves negative feelings or thoughts leading to more negativity, and yet when it involves positive feelings or thoughts it's never mentioned.

Maybe loathing others is not the correct way, but focusing on others instead of looking at your own faults.

I've tried being more of an @sshole to people. Literally. I've tried to be more confrontational, thinking that if others are going to be that way and that they're happy, then fine. I'll do the same. It hasn't really made any difference. To those who know me, it comes off as being comical and/or sarcastic.

Focusing on others is a better point.