JL21 wrote:I guess it's there to give people closure, but it seems like it just causes more problems- leaving you with an image of the person that you didn't want.
I see it differently. The image that I didn't want to have of my mother was the one that I had of her lying in a hospital bed deteriorating for 6 months. While the image of her lying in the casket wasn't ideal, it was certainly nice to see her "prettied up" one last time. I definitely understand why some families prefer an open casket. And while funerals & visitations may not be comfortable for those who are attending, it's definitely a soothing process for the family of the deceased, in my opinion. Those attending should suck it up for an hour and deal with it for the family's sake. Saying what an annoyance it is is incredibly selfish, in my opinion.
As far as the uncontrollable sobbing that someone mentioned earlier, some people who have lost a loved one NEED to go through that process, and it's better to do it while there are people there to comfort you, as opposed to having to go through it alone.
Well, speaking as a person who will leave in a couple of days to attend a visitation/funeral, I do not want to see my grandpa in the casket. I prefer to remember him as a healthy, happy guy who loved fishing and watching his beloved Twins. I'll be there for my grams (and other family members) but I, personally, don't want to see him. I don't think it's selfish on my part; it's just how I am. And I think my grams could care less if I choose not to look at gramps in that state. Again, to each his/her own...but I think it's unfair to call people selfish simply because they don't want to view a deceased person at a visitation. We all deal with death in our own way.
On that note, I'm shutting down and will go drink a beer in honor of my gramps, whom I'll miss dearly.....
My condolences, Simbagal. My last grandparent, Grandma D., passed about 5 years ago just short of her 99th birthday, and like your Gramps, she suffered terribly her last few years. The visitation/funeral events were all centered around a celebration of her life, and I chose to focus on all of the photo collages of her that my sister put together and remember the good times.
I'll tip a glass for ole gramps and his Twins tonight...the person to whom I was the closest I've ever been to someone was my grandma, and I miss her dearly, so I understand your thoughts. I didn't go to her casket at the funeral (it was open and I couldn't see her that way), and I didn't go to her grave site. Maybe it was very selfish of me, but I wasn't ready to let go at the time.
Doctor pulled the family in and told us they were going to take her off life support, and all the thoughts of being strong, or tough went out the window (I had not cried or showed any emotion until then) and I lost my mind. I attacked the doctor and started screaming, "No you're not!" Uncle literally carried me outside of the hospital and I broke down...emotions are tricky that way, and each person reacts a little differently I'd imagine.
JL21 wrote:I guess it's there to give people closure, but it seems like it just causes more problems- leaving you with an image of the person that you didn't want.
I see it differently. The image that I didn't want to have of my mother was the one that I had of her lying in a hospital bed deteriorating for 6 months. While the image of her lying in the casket wasn't ideal, it was certainly nice to see her "prettied up" one last time. I definitely understand why some families prefer an open casket. And while funerals & visitations may not be comfortable for those who are attending, it's definitely a soothing process for the family of the deceased, in my opinion. Those attending should suck it up for an hour and deal with it for the family's sake. Saying what an annoyance it is is incredibly selfish, in my opinion.
As far as the uncontrollable sobbing that someone mentioned earlier, some people who have lost a loved one NEED to go through that process, and it's better to do it while there are people there to comfort you, as opposed to having to go through it alone.
Well, speaking as a person who will leave in a couple of days to attend a visitation/funeral, I do not want to see my grandpa in the casket. I prefer to remember him as a healthy, happy guy who loved fishing and watching his beloved Twins. I'll be there for my grams (and other family members) but I, personally, don't want to see him. I don't think it's selfish on my part; it's just how I am. And I think my grams could care less if I choose not to look at gramps in that state. Again, to each his/her own...but I think it's unfair to call people selfish simply because they don't want to view a deceased person at a visitation. We all deal with death in our own way.
On that note, I'm shutting down and will go drink a beer in honor of my gramps, whom I'll miss dearly.....
The difference is that you (apparently) don't live near your Granfather, so you haven't been there to witness the deterioration process day after day. You have the luxury of remembering him as a healthy happy guy. You're fortunate. Many family members don't have that luxury.
I didn't say it was selfish to not want to view the body. I said it's selfish to think it's in poor taste for the family to have an open casket.
phinstd wrote:emotions are tricky that way, and each person reacts a little differently I'd imagine.
I had a course about death and dying in college- Perceptions of Death- and that was sort of the biggest lesson that you learned. Nobody deals with it the exact same way and you shouldn't make anyone feel like they're dealing with it the "wrong" way.
It wasn't all that shallow as a course- we learned an awful lot of other things, specifically about how other cultures deal with it, their customs, etc...
At my brothers funeral we had an informal wake in the parking lot. Lots of beer drinking,smoking and telling tons of stories about the crazy things he'd done in his life. When I was in the funeral home I was always on the verge of losing it, and finally did, but in the parking lot we were having a good time in his memory just like he would've wanted us to.
Hudler wrote:At my brothers funeral we had an informal wake in the parking lot. Lots of beer drinking,smoking and telling tons of stories about the crazy things he'd done in his life. When I was in the funeral home I was always on the verge of losing it, and finally did, but in the parking lot we were having a good time in his memory just like he would've wanted us to.
There's definitely time for celebration as well as grieving. My sisters and I actually had a great time planning my mother's funeral, putting picture boards together, talking about old times, etc. My Mom would have been proud of how we came together for that occasion. But saying good-bye at the funeral is extremely difficult, but I think necessary.
I went to like my great Aunt's funeral last year. I really didn't knwo who she was, but I went to be supportive of the family. They had an open casket, and it was kind of weird for me. Like everyone was pretty upbeat and chatting away and making jokes and stuff. And I just thought it weird that here's my entire family having a good time talking about what they're doing for the weekend and bar stories and stuff while sitting next to a dead body.
