Arguing over the bill

[maddash]

Holy [expletive] jesus h christ... just get the [expletive] over with it already!!!

Ok, I've given up trying to pay for dinner when eating out with my parents or in-laws. I'm never going to be able to pay, and I'm sick of trying, so I'm fine in that area. I let them pay, say thank you, and it's over. Done deal, everyone leaves happy.

But [expletive] almighty, having dinner with both the parents AND in-laws? [expletive] that [expletive] [expletive]! I'm am NOT going to [expletive] sit there for literally 5 straight minutes listening to ADULTS argue over who is going to pay the bill. What a [expletive] annoying pissing match. That's [expletive] it, the next time we have dinner I'm going all out, if they want to fight over the bill, I'm going lobster, truffles, foie gras, champagne... the mother [expletive] works! [expletive] them!

Seriously. Is this what parents end up doing to try and prove who has the bigger dick? Some parents with married kids help me out here. Why the [expletive] do you have to act like a couple of [expletive] when it comes time to pay the bill? Why!?

Yeah, yeah. I know I should be happy someone besides me is paying for dinner.... Um no. That's not how it works. I don't give a [expletive] about the money. I could care less about the money. I would go into debt paying every single [expletive] time. But no, it's about the company for me, and watching my parents and in-laws get pissy about who is going to pay the bill ruins the night for me. Those two hours of conversations, that $400 worth of food and drink... all [expletive] pissed away because two grown men have to outdo each other in front of their kids. Oh, and then they try and bring the waiter/waitress into it... Christ, that poor person is just trying to get through the night and now he/she is getting credit cards shoved in his/her face from all directions.

And I know they think about this before dinner too. On there way to the restaurant, when they could be thinking of ways to gracefully accept an offer from someone else to buy dinner, they're thinking of how they're going to [expletive] the other couple over. They're thinking "how can I force these [expletive] to accept MY offer to pay". What a bunch of [expletive] [expletive].

[docellis]

You have to pretend to be going to use the restroom, grab the waiter, instruct him to slip you the bill, pay him while NOT at the table. Then all you have to do is keep saying "you can leave the tip!" to everyone and ignore the money they try to push towards you.

I've been doing this for a while.

[haltz]

I don't mess around with that. A few years ago at a bar/grill place I joked about doing a jump ball with the book and the two guys were seriously up for it. That was it for me.

If someone asks me first they get the bill handed to them. One time some guy's dad (the kid took me aside before the meal) threatened me if I didn't void the transaction. "If you know what's good for you" sort of thing.

If no one calls it, I sneak up and drop it onto the middle of the table before any knows what happens.

It's gone from one of my least favorite parts of working in restaurants to my favorite. The fights and pissing contests are hilarious if you're an outside observer.

If you want to pay for the meal, just catch the server on the way to the bathroom and give him/her your credit card. Game over.

[JackofDiamonds]

I offer to pay once. If that offer is declined, I'll offer to leave the tip. If that offer is declined, I say thank you, and I am done. You want to be the big man? Go to town; I will spend that money on hookers and beer. Wait what?

[cardsfansince82]

My mom and dad have been divorced since I was little, and I have eaten dinner with both of them with their new spouses exactly twice in the last 20 years, when I graduated from undergrad and when I graduated from grad school. The first time my dad paid without much fuss. The second time my mom handled it properly by slipping the waiter her card on a trip to the bathroom. In her estimation it was her turn to pay anyway. My dad physically ripped the bill folder thing out of her hand while she was getting ready to fill it out and insisted he would pay. Huge argument ensues, tears, cuss words, the works...as if suffering through the awkwardness of the dinner itself wasn't bad enough. Long story short, I told them both to grow the [expletive] up and I left. And that's the first and really only memory I have of that weekend that should have been special but wasn't.

I don't understand why paying for dinner is such a point of pride for people, especially males. I've probably eaten 100 meals in a restaurant with my step dad and he has never allowed anyone else to pay for his food (except in the above case, where it wasn't really his place). I'm more than willing to pay for any meal at any time but when I run into one of these alpha male types, I just don't even bother arguing. It's not even worth the effort and there's no reasoning with them anyway.

[arnie.k]

[expletive] that [expletive] [expletive]!

++

[StatmanCrothers]

You have to pretend to be going to use the restroom, grab the waiter, instruct him to slip you the bill, pay him while NOT at the table. Then all you have to do is keep saying "you can leave the tip!" to everyone and ignore the money they try to push towards you.

I've been doing this for a while.

Yes, me too. If i want to pay, that's exactly how i do it. With my in-laws I usually let them pay because they insist, but if its a birthday or anniversary for them or some such, i'll make sure its taken care of before the check ever comes.

[Popeye_Card]

I offer to pay once. If that offer is declined, I'll offer to leave the tip. If that offer is declined, I say thank you, and I am done. You want to be the big man? Go to town; I will spend that money on hookers and beer. Wait what?

Yep.

What annoys me more is when you go out to lunch with co-workers, and some of them argue over splitting the bill down to the gnat's ass. Give me a break people. I'll pick up the whole damn bill before I listen to you squabble about 10 cents for 3 hours.

I've learned over the years that most engineers are really bad tightwads. I believe I've ranted on here before about people being cheap vs. being frugal.

[Radbird]

I've learned over the years that most engineers are really bad tightwads. I believe I've ranted on here before about people being cheap vs. being frugal.

As a finance guy, I always get to split the bill when at a group work lunch. It's always done quickly, adding in the tip, rounding up to an easily dividable value, and dividing by the number present. If people start [expletive] that what they got wasn't as much as somebody else, I tell them they should've thought about that when they ordered.

And yes, the more deeply technical a person is, the harder it is for them to grasp the concept.

[thrill]

I like going to lunch with people from work who all have company credit cards. They all argue over who gets to pay and make a show out of buying for you. They're all just going to charge it to the company anyway.