UPDATED! Bernie and Gordo AND JOE STRAUSS ACK! Burwell TOO!

[Hungary Jack]

I decided to submit this to Boers and Bernsie for their "Who You Crappin?" segment coming up at 5 pm today.

Shared with you for your enjoyment:

This crap targets the regrettably growing cadre of “sportswriters who try too hard” whose misguided writings leave us just a little bit dumber at the end of each column. While this crap is one year in arrears, it is never too late to induct another new member into the Pantheon of Ill Advised Sports Punditry. So please take your seat. The ceremony is about to commence.

This dookie is for St. Louis Post Dispatch sports columnist Bernie Miklasz, more affectionately known as BM among his detractors. Witness that roughly one year ago BM was trying to explain to the ignorant Cardinal Diaspora how Felipe Lopez, a mediocre hitter who arrived in St. Louis near the MLB trade deadline sporting a meager .619 OPS compiled with the lowly Washington Nationals, could suddenly go on a .964 tear as a Cardinal over 169 PA’s. While I am sure BM consulted with neurologists, sports psychologists, and sabremetricians of national acclaim, he ultimately dug deep into his repertoire of pop psychology to offer this explanation: Felipe Lopez cares about baseball again.

Sometimes one can say more by saying less, or simply saying nothing at all.

So Bernie, please slip on this XXXL lime-colored jacket and step up to the podium, where Rick Telander will greet you with a bouquet of daffodils and a euro-style kiss on each cheek. As you recite your acceptance speech for the Pantheon of Ill Advised Sports Punditry, please be sure to thank your readers, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and your mother. And please be so kind as to answer one simple question: Who you crappin?

[Jocephus]

thats great

[doe_boy]

I decided to submit this to Boers and Bernsie for their "Who You Crappin?" segment coming up at 5 pm today.

Shared with you for your enjoyment:

This crap targets the regrettably growing cadre of “sportswriters who try too hard” whose misguided writings leave us just a little bit dumber at the end of each column. While this crap is one year in arrears, it is never too late to induct another new member into the Pantheon of Ill Advised Sports Punditry. So please take your seat. The ceremony is about to commence.

This dookie is for St. Louis Post Dispatch sports columnist Bernie Miklasz, more affectionately known as BM among his detractors. Witness that roughly one year ago BM was trying to explain to the ignorant Cardinal Diaspora how Felipe Lopez, a mediocre hitter who arrived in St. Louis near the MLB trade deadline sporting a meager .619 OPS compiled with the lowly Washington Nationals, could suddenly go on a .964 tear as a Cardinal over 169 PA’s. While I am sure BM consulted with neurologists, sports psychologists, and sabremetricians of national acclaim, he ultimately dug deep into his repertoire of pop psychology to offer this explanation: Felipe Lopez cares about baseball again.

Sometimes one can say more by saying less, or simply saying nothing at all.

So Bernie, please slip on this XXXL lime-colored jacket and step up to the podium, where Rick Telander will greet you with a bouquet of daffodils and a euro-style kiss on each cheek. As you recite your acceptance speech for the Pantheon of Ill Advised Sports Punditry, please be sure to thank your readers, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and your mother. And please be so kind as to answer one simple question: Who you crappin?

I like it, but I think Jason Goff will fire the rifle about half-way through.

[Hungary Jack]

I decided to submit this to Boers and Bernsie for their "Who You Crappin?" segment coming up at 5 pm today.

Shared with you for your enjoyment:

This crap targets the regrettably growing cadre of “sportswriters who try too hard” whose misguided writings leave us just a little bit dumber at the end of each column. While this crap is one year in arrears, it is never too late to induct another new member into the Pantheon of Ill Advised Sports Punditry. So please take your seat. The ceremony is about to commence.

This dookie is for St. Louis Post Dispatch sports columnist Bernie Miklasz, more affectionately known as BM among his detractors. Witness that roughly one year ago BM was trying to explain to the ignorant Cardinal Diaspora how Felipe Lopez, a mediocre hitter who arrived in St. Louis near the MLB trade deadline sporting a meager .619 OPS compiled with the lowly Washington Nationals, could suddenly go on a .964 tear as a Cardinal over 169 PA’s. While I am sure BM consulted with neurologists, sports psychologists, and sabremetricians of national acclaim, he ultimately dug deep into his repertoire of pop psychology to offer this explanation: Felipe Lopez cares about baseball again.

Sometimes one can say more by saying less, or simply saying nothing at all.

So Bernie, please slip on this XXXL lime-colored jacket and step up to the podium, where Rick Telander will greet you with a bouquet of daffodils and a euro-style kiss on each cheek. As you recite your acceptance speech for the Pantheon of Ill Advised Sports Punditry, please be sure to thank your readers, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and your mother. And please be so kind as to answer one simple question: Who you crappin?

I like it, but I think Jason Goff will fire the rifle about half-way through.

Not if Bernsie reads it, but he didn't anyways. I wonder if the statute of limitations was in effect. I'll recycle it as soon as Bernie publishes another brain fart.

[greenback44]

Do Joe Strauss tweets belong here?

Cardinals abruptly close clubhouse to media 5 minutes before Pujols' reaches players parking lot. Gotta hand it to 'em. Not even subtle.

Redefining "team leader." Is it bolting to leave teammates to answer how upgraded lineup scored 6 runs in 3 games? #stlcards

You know you're big when org. no longer stresses responsiblity to teammates, media and, by extension, ticket-buying public. Saw this in SF.

Ankiel's parting shot to media. Asks scribes to wait 'til he loads car. Except he gets in and guns it for the exit. A fitting end. #stlcards

@ajsextro Carp, Waino', Schu', Lud, Ryan, Franklin, et al, have no problem standing up good or bad. They're pros. Losing hurts them no less.

Iteresting dichotomy with Cards: Expose small fry to media scrutiny while sheltering kingfish. Count on rightsholders, adoring fan base.

@missmiranda Don't smear the whole clubhouse. Most guys were genuinely cooperative today. Then the bum's rush and, oila, AP. #stlcards

This is the first time in history that Brendan Ryan's professionalism was described as superior to Albert Pujols's.

[lukethedrifter]

Hey, if AP and Holliday were [expletive] and fled they deserved to be called out.

[Cronos]

If Joe Strauss is a comprehensive example of what most media types believe, then I don't blame players for leaving early after that.

And Ankiel could fart in the face of Strauss if he wants as far as I care, as long as he doesn't come back.

[docellis]

I'm glad they left without the BS, and I guess glad the other dudes took the heat. Honestly, who cares.

[jim]

Bernie, Gordo, Straus ..... podunk wannabe drama queens.

[JL21]

Bernie, Gordo, Straus ..... podunk wannabe drama queens.

The thing about Bernie that some out of town people might not realize is that if you listen to his radio show, it's actually pretty good. His guests are great. He regularly gives time to people like Gary Pinkel, Mike Anderson, and Gabe DeArmond of PowerMizzou; Joe Sheehan of Baseball Prospectus; and some other heavy hitters along those same lines. He gets great interviews and provides good content. As far as I can tell, his radio show is head and shoulders above the other sports radio shows in St. Louis.

But he also writes.

I'll never defend Gordon and as of this latest nonsense, Strauss is on my [expletive] list.