Corporate Speak

[Radbird]

"Sorry, I don't have the bandwidth for that today."

[wart57]

We need to take care of issue x before it radars.

We need to keep issue x from radaring. - code word for cover your [expletive] ass.

[expletive], just say fix the problem before someone notices there is a [expletive] problem.

[Popeye_Card]

I will admit to saying things are on my radar. But radar used as a verb? That is [expletive] awful.

Basically if you have to make a verb out of any noun, it probably belongs in this thread.

[Popeye_Card]

"Rateable".

What does this term even mean, and why do I hear it 20x a day?

[mikechamp]

"Sorry, I don't have the bandwidth for that today."

Well, it is a Friday, so you're forgiven.

[Radbird]

Posted by an exec on his blog. Guess I shouldn't complain about not being able to take all my vacation anymore...and thankful that I can continue to be exceptional until the day I die.

Makes me want to chuck it all and become a ski instructor.

A number of people have asked me, "Why do you work so hard and such long hours?"

I have found that many people are smart enough and sufficiently qualified to do most jobs; but, hard work is what distinguishes top performers from everyone else. In my opinion, it's a characteristic that distinguishes us as IBMers and sets us apart from our competition.

Every significant achievement in civilization from art to science to sport is the result of people who worked a lot harder than everyone else. You don't hear many people in India, Brazil or China (to name a few countries) complain about work-life balance, even though many in these developing countries work 12-15 hour days. These people are hungry to be top performers and obtain the rewards and recognition bestowed on the top 10% of the population. This takes hard work.

Research shows that exceptional achievers live longer and that they pretty much work until their death. The 10 most workaholic nations in the world account for most of the world's GDP.

I understand that many people are working long hours. I also know some are not working as hard as others. Are you working hard enough to achieve your objectives for 1Q? 1H13? Full Year 2013? Our commitment to hard work in service to our clients is one of the topics I'll be discussing and I look forward to reading your posts.

Please consider this and take the actions you deem appropriate.

I'm just stunned this was actually written.

[AWvsCBsteeeerike3]

Where did this come from? Wtf.

[Freed Roger]

Posted by an exec on his blog. Guess I shouldn't complain about not being able to take all my vacation anymore...and thankful that I can continue to be exceptional until the day I die.

Makes me want to chuck it all and become a ski instructor.

A number of people have asked me, "Why do you work so hard and such long hours?"

I have found that many people are smart enough and sufficiently qualified to do most jobs; but, hard work is what distinguishes top performers from everyone else. In my opinion, it's a characteristic that distinguishes us as IBMers and sets us apart from our competition.

Every significant achievement in civilization from art to science to sport is the result of people who worked a lot harder than everyone else. You don't hear many people in India, Brazil or China (to name a few countries) complain about work-life balance, even though many in these developing countries work 12-15 hour days. These people are hungry to be top performers and obtain the rewards and recognition bestowed on the top 10% of the population. This takes hard work.

Research shows that exceptional achievers live longer and that they pretty much work until their death. The 10 most workaholic nations in the world account for most of the world's GDP.

I understand that many people are working long hours. I also know some are not working as hard as others. Are you working hard enough to achieve your objectives for 1Q? 1H13? Full Year 2013? Our commitment to hard work in service to our clients is one of the topics I'll be discussing and I look forward to reading your posts.

Please consider this and take the actions you deem appropriate.

I'm just stunned this was actually written.

FTW!

That is bad on many levels. Checking my calendar to see if it's April 1st.... Wow.

and to think, I came to this thread to post my corporate-ish speak beef
The proliferation of "This Page is Intentionally Blank" ....often in the middle of documents - why the hell just not put the page in there...

God damn. let's get Rad a job scouting for the Cardinals.

[AWvsCBsteeeerike3]

Ha. HEre's the response:

http://www.endicottalliance.org/conside ... worker.htm

Response from an IBM worker:

Dear Mr. Hoey,

I wanted you to be aware that I find your memo to be completely offensive, and possibly in violation of federal law. You describe people who ask for work-life balance as "complaining?" This memo completely lacks empathy for people who have significant obligations outside of work. Are you implying that people who have other priorities are not eligible to be top performers, and therefore may be passed over for promotions? Will my job be in jeopardy if I am unable to work overtime, or if I have to take time off to care for a family member, or if I have a health condition that would restrict my ability to "work harder?" If so, this attitude will disproportionately affect women, minorities, and the disabled, and is in violation of the Equal Opportunity Act as well as the Americans with Disabilities Act. This company has historically been a trailblazer in equal opportunity, and I am frankly appalled that IBM would put someone with this attitude in a leadership position.

I am curious to see this research you mentioned that links long working hours with extended life expectancy. Because in the course of my research, I am seeing that employee burnout is on the rise*. Due to corporate downsizing, layoffs, and restructuring, employees are being asked to pick up the slack of extra work, or as you call it, "working harder." Burnout is known to be related a host of serious physical and mental health issues, including but not limited to relationship problems, stress, exhaustion, heart disease, suicide, anger, depression, anxiety, malaise, withdrawal from social circles, domestic violence, obesity, chronic pain, and the list goes on. Does it sound like someone with these symptoms would be a productive employee to you, Mr. Hoey? Federal and state labor laws in the United States protect the 40 hour work week for a reason. Work-life balance is a right that is protected under the Fair Labor Standards Act. To continue to place greater demands on employees creates a sweat shop environment of overworked, exhausted people, and ultimately hurts the organization due to the lower average productivity that those people are able to churn out. I see my co-workers suffering this every day, and I see how it hurts our business.

As a GTS employee, we are encouraged to work smarter, not harder. This means increasing efficiency, not work hours. However, if this is not an attitude that is sanctioned from the top down, employees will continue to be treated as disposable resources at the convenience of executive fat cats. Your employees will treat your business as well as you treat them. Sick people equals sick business. I would strongly encourage stockholders to question how this business is being managed.

I am requesting that Human Resources review your statements in this memo and launch an investigation into your organization to ensure that no qualified person has been illegally passed over for promotion due to being unable to work 15 hour days, which would certainly put IBM at risk of serious litigation.

To all IBM employees, I encourage you to stand up for yourself and your co-workers. Do not stand idly by while abuse and injustice is being sanctioned at the highest levels of this organization. Demand better working conditions, set limits with management, and take the work-life balance that you need to make your health and well-being your first priority.

Sincerely,
One Voice for All

[Arthur Dent]

Ha. HEre's the response:

http://www.endicottalliance.org/conside ... worker.htm

Response from an IBM worker:

Dear Mr. Hoey,

I wanted you to be aware that I find your memo to be completely offensive, and possibly in violation of federal law. You describe people who ask for work-life balance as "complaining?" This memo completely lacks empathy for people who have significant obligations outside of work. Are you implying that people who have other priorities are not eligible to be top performers, and therefore may be passed over for promotions? Will my job be in jeopardy if I am unable to work overtime, or if I have to take time off to care for a family member, or if I have a health condition that would restrict my ability to "work harder?" If so, this attitude will disproportionately affect women, minorities, and the disabled, and is in violation of the Equal Opportunity Act as well as the Americans with Disabilities Act. This company has historically been a trailblazer in equal opportunity, and I am frankly appalled that IBM would put someone with this attitude in a leadership position.

I am curious to see this research you mentioned that links long working hours with extended life expectancy. Because in the course of my research, I am seeing that employee burnout is on the rise*. Due to corporate downsizing, layoffs, and restructuring, employees are being asked to pick up the slack of extra work, or as you call it, "working harder." Burnout is known to be related a host of serious physical and mental health issues, including but not limited to relationship problems, stress, exhaustion, heart disease, suicide, anger, depression, anxiety, malaise, withdrawal from social circles, domestic violence, obesity, chronic pain, and the list goes on. Does it sound like someone with these symptoms would be a productive employee to you, Mr. Hoey? Federal and state labor laws in the United States protect the 40 hour work week for a reason. Work-life balance is a right that is protected under the Fair Labor Standards Act. To continue to place greater demands on employees creates a sweat shop environment of overworked, exhausted people, and ultimately hurts the organization due to the lower average productivity that those people are able to churn out. I see my co-workers suffering this every day, and I see how it hurts our business.

As a GTS employee, we are encouraged to work smarter, not harder. This means increasing efficiency, not work hours. However, if this is not an attitude that is sanctioned from the top down, employees will continue to be treated as disposable resources at the convenience of executive fat cats. Your employees will treat your business as well as you treat them. Sick people equals sick business. I would strongly encourage stockholders to question how this business is being managed.

I am requesting that Human Resources review your statements in this memo and launch an investigation into your organization to ensure that no qualified person has been illegally passed over for promotion due to being unable to work 15 hour days, which would certainly put IBM at risk of serious litigation.

To all IBM employees, I encourage you to stand up for yourself and your co-workers. Do not stand idly by while abuse and injustice is being sanctioned at the highest levels of this organization. Demand better working conditions, set limits with management, and take the work-life balance that you need to make your health and well-being your first priority.

Sincerely,
One Voice for All

Right on. Glad to see this kind of outrageous executive behavior is not being taken lying down.