GatewayRedbirds.com

Despite increasing customer demand, we must inform customers that because of our original business charter, we have no plans to expand beyond our present borders, unless we are suddenly bordered by large bodies of water.

In honor of T. S. Eliot's birthday, we are sponsoring a "J. Alfred Prufock" competition, in which balding men compete to pass through several rooms of upper-class women to eat a peach. The winner of the Prufrock competition will pose with several bathing-beauty mermaids for restaurant publicity. After achieving this fame, the customer will never set foot in the Spirit of St. Louis again.

That restaurant has been steadily going downhill since it invented everything in 1904.

If the waiter thinks you're a shnook, you won't be able to order a deer burger.

Every half hour, the white patrons of the restaurant are instructed to get up and move to a table five feet to the west.

heyzeus wrote:Every half hour, the white patrons of the restaurant are instructed to get up and move to a table five feet to the west.

...or an Applebee's.

Welcome to Dred Scott night here at Spirit of St. Louis! May I start you out with a drink--perhaps some Mammy's Breast Milk lager? By the way, there's been a slight change on tonight's menu. Even though all prices are listed as free, in fact, due to a recent Supreme Court decision, you have no rights that the owners are bound to respect.

Good evening! This evening, we have our River Des Peres drink special--two drinks for the price of one, all served in yesterday's filthy glasses.

For your improved safety, we've recently installed concrete barriers in the hallway leading to the bathroom. To get there, you'll need to go back through the dining room, and then go through five adjacent rooms to reach the new bathroom entrance just ahead.

May I interest you in our drink menu? I strongly recommend the Enos Slaughter, a delicious drink made from black rum spiked with sour lemonade, with a dash of bitters and tomato juice.