Girls

[G. Keenan]

You need to find out if you can be more than friends and you need to do it soon. Tell her that's what you want. Make an unambiguous move. Something. Best case scenario you two start dating for real. Worst case, you get rejected but you can be out of the confusion you're currently in and perhaps in time become friends under more clearly defined lines.

[Popeye_Card]

Why is she moving?

She goes to school down there.

She wanted to be friends, have fun, no relationship, nothing serious.
You wanted more.
She was hot for your friend, did not want anything serious with you.
You wanted more.

This is probably the most accurate way I can describe it (and for the record, before we started hanging out, I made it abundantly clear that I liked her):

We initially started hanging out under the precaution that she didn't want anything serious. I didn't really like her that way, and so I pursued something more; the results were positive. Instead of doing fling-y things, we did relationship-y things. However, there was one big drawback: the relationship wasn't exclusive, and so she still tried (but failed) to hang out with my buddy.

Before I continue, let me explain where the ambivalence comes into play for me: on one hand, if she didn't view me as a potential boyfriend, I really don't think she would have acted the way she did. After all, being in a fling and having a boyfriend are radically different things, right? If she knew she wanted one and not the other, I don't think she would have been so receptive, don't think she would have continually hung out with me, and don't think she would have reciprocated the relationship-esque feelings. On the other hand, if she did view me as a potential boyfriend, why did she continue to try and hang out with my buddy, despite me explicitly asking her not to? Is there anything naive about this paragraph? I think it's a perfectly reasonable assessment.

So anyway, the whole love triangle thing with my buddy coming into play was too much for me, and so it culminated in a fight between me and her and we stopped hanging out. I went from being crazy about her to not hanging out with her at all. I was over her. I was very hesitant to hang out with her again, and so although she approached me a couple of times to hang get together, I rejected. Eventually, she offered an apology, I accepted, and invited her over just as friends.

Since then, we've hung out a few times, but it feels eerily similar to the way things were before. She's acting very similar to the way she was before the fight. Now you could reason that she was just being friendly before and, similarly, is just being friendly now. There's a reason I'll dispute that, though: she outright told me that it felt like we were sorta-dating during the first go-round; in other words, there is mutual agreement on both of our parts that's it what we had the first time.

Let me analogize this.

She's in the mood for some pizza. You have offered her a free hamburger. She knows she can eat the hamburger at any time, but she still wants pizza, so she's out seeking it. Meanwhile, she's still hungry though not completely starving, so she eyes the hamburger from time to time.

Bottom line, she knows you're there and that you like her. There's not much you can do. She's either going to have an epiphany and all of the sudden want a hamburger instead of pizza, she's going to find the pizza she's seeking, or she's going to end up "settling" for the hamburger, which isn't good for either of you. Because if one party knows that they're settling, they're never happy, and it just doesn't last.

[Bo Hart]

Also, props on Michael the Prophetic for predicting the drunken, somber rant back in the other thread.

[haltz]

I'd like to go on record again saying that I'm not this girl's biggest fan.

[thrill]

I'd like to go on record again saying that I'm not this girl's biggest fan.

And that he should try to bone a friend of her's.

[Popeye_Card]

I'd like to go on record again saying that I'm not this girl's biggest fan.

And that he should try to bone a friend of her's.

Actually, we have been jesting with this, but that may be one of the only viable solutions to this problem.

Go after a friend of hers, and let her know it. Heck, even ask her what she thinks of Friend X, and then say she's hot before changing the subject. If there's one thing that will prompt action by a woman, it's jealousy that you might go after someone else. Especially a friend.

i.e., You're offering up that burger for somebody else to eat. It's amazing how fast she won't want pizza anymore and want to have the burger.

[tothebeach08]

Pizza or burger, come on. Haven't any of your people ever changed your mind about what you want??? So she liked his friend first, that doesn't mean she won't like him. And if he likes her, why would he want to play some silly little games and go after one of her friends. If the only reason she wanted him, at that point, was to keep him from being with her friend, would he really want her? I mean, she's just a young girl not some kind of monster who is out to screw with his mind.

Once you make a decision about how to handle this, and do it, one way or the other you are going to feel so much relief from having this off your mind.

[TimeForGuinness]

You need to find out if you can be more than friends and you need to do it soon. Tell her that's what you want. Make an unambiguous move. Something. Best case scenario you two start dating for real. Worst case, you get rejected but you can be out of the confusion you're currently in and perhaps in time become friends under more clearly defined lines.

this.

make it clear what you want...if she doesn't know...then you *need* to pull back (physically and emotionally) and just be friends (no matter how hard), otherwise things will turn weird and you may lose her as a friend.

you can't make her like you...you just have to be yourself and see if that's what she wants...if it isn't, then you have a cool friend...with some possible hot girlfriends that she could hook you up with (always think about that).

it sucks man, but by the looks of it...there are a number of guys here who have been bitten by the love bug a few times.

[TimeForGuinness]

I'd like to go on record again saying that I'm not this girl's biggest fan.

she seems like she needs attention...imho

[thrill]

I'd like to go on record again saying that I'm not this girl's biggest fan.

she seems like she needs attention...imho

She's hurtin for a squirtin.