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Well, another Thanksgiving, and like clockwork I got a call from the ex. With her voice breaking it was something like...

How are you, I was thinking of you, my family says hello, how is your family, so weird not having you here, the kids miss playing football with you, are you going out tomorrow night, maybe I'll see you, blah blah blah.

I'll go out tomorrow night, see her, we'll talk at the bar all night. She won't bring up the guy she's seeing even once and will change the subject if I do. She'll talk about all of the good times we had together, give me the [expletive] me eyes all night long and completely [expletive] block me with any other girl. I'll walk her out to her car, she'll give me one of those long tight hugs, I'll tell her to call or text when she gets home so I know she's safe and then she'll kiss me. She'll call me when she gets home and we'll talk for a few hours, and that's pretty much it. For 3 years Christmas and Thanksgiving have been this exact scenario almost to a T. WTF? All I can come up with is that she super [expletive] talked me so bad when we split that she's afraid of what her parents will think or she just likes knowing that I'm there as plan B. Any ladies know what's actually happening?

Edit: The ex in question is the one I was with forever, lived together, "engaged" etc.

Seems pretty obvious that she's nostalgic about being with you. I don't know if that means she wants to actually get back together or not, but assuming you don't want to reconcile, sometimes you have to be a little cruel to be kind.

clement wrote:Seems pretty obvious that she's nostalgic about being with you. I don't know if that means she wants to actually get back together or not, but assuming you don't want to reconcile, sometimes you have to be a little cruel to be kind.

OH, I completely do. As dumb as it sounds, she's always been the one for me. Honestly it's pretty much why I can be the whore that I am now. I pretty much won't even get close to anyone else. I know I'm not supposed to, but I compare. So far, nobody has even come close, and there have been a lot of nobodies.

I don't know what's going on in her head. I'll just wish you the best of luck, because I've been going through something sorta similar and it just blows my mind how people can act sometimes. I'm sure it's overwhelmingly frustrating for you.

Women.....you can't live with 'em.....can't live without 'em

InvincibleCakeEater wrote:

clement wrote:Seems pretty obvious that she's nostalgic about being with you. I don't know if that means she wants to actually get back together or not, but assuming you don't want to reconcile, sometimes you have to be a little cruel to be kind.

OH, I completely do. As dumb as it sounds, she's always been the one for me. Honestly it's pretty much why I can be the whore that I am now. I pretty much won't even get close to anyone else. I know I'm not supposed to, but I compare. So far, nobody has even come close, and there have been a lot of nobodies.

Does she know this? If she doesn't, then you should probably tell her.

If she does know it and is just trying to be nice to you but not wanting to get back together, then she's the one who needs to realize that sometimes it's better to be cruel to be kind. If she won't do it, then you might need to be the one to do it - in other words tell her to leave you alone and stop talking to you (easier said than done, I know, but that's probably what you need her to do). That might be tough though because it sounds like you live in a small town.

Lay it on the line and either get back together or walk away.

This sounds very similar to what someone else I know is going through. She pulls you in, pushes you away, over and over. YOU have to decide how much your willing to take and WHY are YOU doing this to YOURSELF. She's only doing what your allowing to be done. If you want her back and she knows it but she's with someone else .... then you have your answer. If you want her back and you haven't told her, then you need to. You'll either end up together or not but at least you won't be driving yourself insane anymore.

If she doesn't want to get back together, then you have to find a way to move on and stop comparing everyone to her because chances are your not giving anyone a fair shot, including yourself.

Most women (and probably men I guess) love to pad their egos knowing all their exes are pining for them. It makes us all feel desirable and great to know that everyone we've ever dated still masturbates to our image.

I think she'd respect you (and perhaps want you) more if you didn't go on this trip down memory lane with her anymore.

docellis wrote:It makes us all feel desirable and great to know that everyone we've ever dated still masturbates to our image.

This may be one of the most beautiful things ever written.