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I'm there I think. Starting around Memorial Day I've just had this crushing anxiety. It subsided quite a bit on vacation, but as soon as I got back to reality it's here again. It feels so wrong because I have it so good. I have a roof over my head, I'm fat, great girl, I don't really want anything but there is this emptiness and this anxiety. I don't know how to deal with it. Take my Dad for example. My Dad is near the end, might be this year, might be next, might be in 5 years, but someday soon I'm going to be without him and he's my best friend. My uncle who has fought cancer and won is a shadow of himself. He used to be strong and boisterous and now he's weak and frail. He even turned down some Cardinal tickets this week because he just didn't think he could make it. I feel like the weight of the world is coming down on me right now and I know most of it is in my head. My Dad is still here, my Uncle is still here. I should be celebrating that, but there is just this dread.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions and I should be living a better life.

Michael wrote:Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions and I should be living a better life.

Nah

40 was worse than 50 for me. Now 60 is on the horizon. F*ck it - what are you going to do?

Honestly, I started my midlife crisis when I was 11 or so thus it's been no big deal as I've gotten older.

Michael wrote:Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions and I should be living a better life.

This was me for a lot of years, this year I've tried my best to live more. Hey I actually went on vacation this year for the first time in a decade. I've tried to make conscience choices of being in the moment or being more active with friends and family. Still at the end of the day I feel like a big loser. What am I doing with life? There is so much strife and trouble in the world shouldn't I help someone? But yet here I am at midnight on GRB not really helping anyone. I feel lost.

lukethedrifter wrote:Honestly, I started my midlife crisis when I was 11 or so thus it's been no big deal as I've gotten older.

I've gone through periods of my life that were like this. A year or so in college. When I was 27 or 28 I had a really rough year when I felt like I was lost. When I lost Nic there was this huge hole in me, but it was sadness, it didn't feel like this. Now I'm here again in this hole, but it seems like such a deeper hole. I actually had a thought about two weeks ago that if this got bad enough I'd just find a big oak tree to put my car into at a high speed. I've never had that thought before, or since. It was I hope the low point because I've definitely made choice in the days since to steer away from that kind of thought.

IMADreamer wrote:

Michael wrote:Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions and I should be living a better life.

This was me for a lot of years, this year I've tried my best to live more. Hey I actually went on vacation this year for the first time in a decade. I've tried to make conscience choices of being in the moment or being more active with friends and family. Still at the end of the day I feel like a big loser. What am I doing with life? There is so much strife and trouble in the world shouldn't I help someone? But yet here I am at midnight on GRB not really helping anyone. I feel lost.

lukethedrifter wrote:Honestly, I started my midlife crisis when I was 11 or so thus it's been no big deal as I've gotten older.

I've gone through periods of my life that were like this. A year or so in college. When I was 27 or 28 I had a really rough year when I felt like I was lost. When I lost Nic there was this huge hole in me, but it was sadness, it didn't feel like this. Now I'm here again in this hole, but it seems like such a deeper hole. I actually had a thought about two weeks ago that if this got bad enough I'd just find a big oak tree to put my car into at a high speed. I've never had that thought before, or since. It was I hope the low point because I've definitely made choice in the days since to steer away from that kind of thought.

Steer away from the oak trees too my friend.

Life is not easy. Just remember, you may not feel like you make much difference, but I bet you make a world of difference to the people around you who love you.

Don't be afraid to seek a counselor, If you haven't already. It's their job to help with stuff like this