Father time is relentless

[IMADreamer]

I had an eye opening day today. Like so many times before I took my Dad to the doctor today. He was in a great mood, we had a good conversation and some laughs, which was nice because he's been down lately. His health is failing him, it has been for years but it's accelerating rapidly now. He does dialysis three days a week and it wears him out. I'm used to him being tired and run down, and occasionally having to help him in the house. Today however for the first time he looked old. It was shocking to me. My Dad has always been a big barrel chested corn fed farm boy and I don't know if it's because I haven't seen him much for a few weeks or maybe it was the clothes he had on but he looked small and frail.

A few months ago my Uncle passed away. That leaves just my Dad and one other Uncle out of 13 left. It has been really tough on my Dad and surviving Uncle both. My Uncle that passed has been sort of the family patriarch since the passing of my Grandfather and with him gone I feel like the last connection to the old family is gone too. You see my Uncle that passed is 10 years older than my Dad, and 12 years older than my surviving Uncle.

I said to my cousin the other day that it feels different now and he said to me "like we are the adults now and is scary as hell?" Yeah that sums it up pretty well. Anyway, all these thoughts come from sitting across from my Dad at lunch wondering when he got old?

[Radbird]

Thanks for sharing that, IMA. Based on the topic title. I was concerned that the news was worse, but you bring up an important topic because experiencing grief of elderly parents in many cases does start far before their actual passing.

In my family, Mom was the last of her generation when she passed in 2015 after battling dementia for several years. It was sobering for me along with my sisters and cousins when the realization we were now that generation set in - at the very least something we could no longer deny. We’re the family elders - the “adults in the room” - and yes, it was (and still is) scary as all get out.

[heyzeus]

I know what you mean, IMA. It's coming up on three years since my dad passed, and it's still unsettling to me. I was holding his hand as he left us, and it was during peak covid so I was lucky to be there but no one else was even around for the funeral. My dad was my #1 cheerleader, and I don't know if I totally realized that until it was too late. I'm lucky to have grown up knowing all of my grandparents and aunts and uncles, but like you, I'm looking around and realizing there aren't many left.

[thrill]

Do your kids a favor and step up into those family leadership roles. Keep the family close. Create traditions.

Signed,
Someone who's parents don't do that now that the grandparents are gone

[BottenFieldofDreams]

This isn’t any of my business but I think about this as my parents age and seeing how sad my saint of a grandmother was in her final couple years a decade ago after putting all of her energy into making us happy her entire life. Have you tried giving him weed or anything? My parents will be so resistant. But depending on how things go, I’m going to be pushing happy pills on them in just about any form.

It doesn’t seem right to spend the end of your days so low. Maybe it’s just the way it is for some of us. Gramma wasn’t in a home or anything either. There was always family with her. Nature is cruel.

[IMADreamer]

Do your kids a favor and step up into those family leadership roles. Keep the family close. Create traditions.

Signed,
Someone who's parents don't do that now that the grandparents are gone

I'm lucky in that I and my cousins have kind of stepped up. We decided that when our Grandparents passed we weren't going to let that happen to the family and so we have pretty regular get togethers with the remaining aunts and uncles. As for the next generation my cousins and I are all pretty close. We do cousins weekends were we will go get some air b and b somewhere and all get together and have fun. We try and do that at least twice a year and usually it ends up being around 12-15 of us counting spouses. My close group of cousins which is 5 of us try and do a big cousins vacation every three years. Next year we are hitting up the Pacific North West.

All of that is probably one of the only bright spots of the passing of the generations. We decided we were not going to grow apart from each other.

This isn’t any of my business but I think about this as my parents age and seeing how sad my saint of a grandmother was in her final couple years a decade ago after putting all of her energy into making us happy her entire life. Have you tried giving him weed or anything? My parents will be so resistant. But depending on how things go, I’m going to be pushing happy pills on them in just about any form.

It doesn’t seem right to spend the end of your days so low. Maybe it’s just the way it is for some of us. Gramma wasn’t in a home or anything either. There was always family with her. Nature is cruel.

My Dad may not be opposed to that. It's worth an ask. I did something else for Dad this week to hopefully get him more active and feeling happier. I put in a garage door with a remote into our shop at the farm. It's always just been two giant sliding doors that weigh too much for him to open these past few years. So I had Overhead door come and cut out a wall and put in a door so I can drive him right into the shop. Then just outside of the car is a work bench, radio, laptop, so he can tinker on things, which is his favorite thing to do. He had a blast today just being there and getting to BS with everyone. I called a few neighbors who he's been lifelong friends with and told him he'd be hanging out in the shop all day so he had a few visitors too. The BS was getting pretty deep in there at times from all the stories they were telling. I think it wore him out though because he fell asleep on me on the ride to his house.

So hopefully things like that can keep him occupied and going.

[IMADreamer]

I had an experience today with my Dad that made me think of this thread but in a good way. So it's a rare day during harvest when we really don't have much going on. Dryer bin is full, trucks are full, etc, so we are just waiting a couple days. This winter I pulled the old John Deere 110 Garden tractor out of the barn. My Grandpa bought it new in the 1960s and we used it until the late 90s. So with some spare time today I decided to tear into it some more and it wasn't long before Dad slide a chair over and was cleaning points, and the plug. We had a great time. He was telling me stories about working on tractors with Grandpa and showing me some old school mechanic tricks. It was a really special day and while my Dad is old and frail his mind is sharp as a tack and he still has a lot to teach me.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

That's awesome Ima. I was never close enough to my father to have one of those moments. I try to make them with my sons now when I can.

[Fat_Bulldog]

Good for you IMA. Your dad is lucky to have you and I'm sure he notices and appreciates all you do for him.

[sighyoung]

That's a wonderful story, and it sounds like you and your father had a great time together.